For about 6 months now, I've been "seeing" someone. I say that in quotes because, he doesn't want to be in a relationship, yet, we communicate daily via text, facebook, or in person... OK, the in person isn't daily, that would be too much!
I continue to date other people, and keep him in the loop about it, as to be honest with him so that he knows that I'm not waiting for him to make up his mind. Nothing to be made up anyway as he has always told me that he wants to be single.
Our last encounter has left me feeling differently, and I'm not sure exactly why.
We worked out together, as we have done before, but this time, as we got into the elevator, he looked at me, and unexpectedly kissed me.
It was unexpected because I had thought that I had put him safely in the "friend zone", and I was comfortable with that.
Earlier in the day, the newest boy that I had just barely started dating had given me the "let's be friends" email... I figured as much, but I was more disappointed in the delivery, and the fact that I wasn't looking for someone, he just showed up...
Either way, I again ran to my safe place, into his comforting arms. We worked out, and then grabbed food. We bickered back and forth like a couple does at times, and the man behind the counter asked if we drove in the same car, to which I replied, This is what love looks like, jokingly of course, and my fake boyfriend answered back with a she can take a punch, so I keep her around, and then pretended to punch me. We often banter about nothing. We sat and waited for our Thai food where he opened up to me more than he usually does, or maybe I was just asking the right questions?
At one point I was pushing my broccoli around my plate and he said, "You know he's out there, somewhere, and you're going to probably be at the grocery store wearing your pink fluffy slippers, not wearing make up and he's not going to care, he's going to want you anyway". I kept staring at my food, not looking at him, my eyes welling up and said, "I don't have pink fluffy slippers". He said, "Look at me", to which I shook my head no, and like in some movie, he reached for my chin to lift it toward his face, and he smiled at me...
We talked for a bit more, and he asked if I was going to finish eating anything, or if we could go. I drove him home, and went inside with him, mostly because I was too tired to continue to drive home, and figured that I would just pass out on his bed.
I grabbed his Teddy bear and hugged it in a fetal position, closing my eyes while he did whatever he was doing. He asked if I was going to take out my contacts, and of course, I followed him into the bathroom where we both took out our contacts gingerly, and went back into his room.
I made myself comfy again with Teddy, and assumed that he would just play some video game and let me sleep. Instead, he looked at me, bent over and kissed me, more passionately than in the elevator, and it was then that I decided that I wasn't as tired as I thought after all.
After, he started playing his video game, and usually, I would just go to sleep, but I watched him play for awhile and we talked until I got tired and went to sleep, until he woke me up wanting more of my attention.
I hate leaving in the morning from his place. I do like that when I'm quietly getting dressed that I get to watch him sleep. Mostly, he's peaceful, sometimes, he snores. But he looks so inviting in the dark with just cracks of light coming through his cardboard make shift light blocking shade. On this morning, I didn't want to disturb him by gently kissing his forehead as I usually do, so instead, I just looked at him, smiled, hoped that when I opened his door that his roommates would be gone, and that the noise of me opening the doors, wouldn't wake him.
I got this overwhelming feeling this time, almost like I'm in LOVE with him? When I looked at him the other morning, I heard myself telling him, I love you, luckily it was just in my head. It's not a preposterous idea completely, but it doesn't make any sense! Why would I have feelings like this for him when he's told me time and time again that he wants to be single. This is the reason that I keep dating other guys in the first place. Yet, I keep coming back to him, where I feel safe. And at this particular moment, I'm smiling... Because of him...
Friday, March 30, 2012
Monday, May 30, 2011
Finally over?
Dear readers,
Thank you for reading my blog for the last 30 days.
Looking back at my previous posts, I can safely say that I have enjoyed this challenge. The most read blog was the letter to Heinz. I've supposedly been read in United States 637 times, Singapore 9, Germany 8, Russia 2, Denmark 1, and once in India. That's pretty cool!
It seems that some blogs were read more than others. I think that the bible one probably didn't get viewed as much as I had hoped, you should give it a chance, it's not what you think!
I have written about different subjects or topics, and from my own experiences and thoughts. I understand that my grammar has not been the best, but I did warn you about that.
I have explored emotions that I might not have shared with my closest friends or family. I still have one that I may or may not decide to actually send to my parents, but I'm not sure if they could read my intentions as to why I would send them the one that I did not publish. In fact only ONE person has read that besides myself, and it may still stay that way.
I have been asked to continue writing my blog, and I may. I have received validation from some of you in the asking to keep it going. However, I have succeeded in my challenge to myself. This was really more about getting something done EVERYDAY. Each day I could not go to sleep until my blog was written. This may account for improper grammar as well as extreme diversion of thought. Even as I sit now, I fear that my synapses are not completing the journey from my brain to this "paper".
I have learned that I can be introspective without the need of a counselor to walk along my journey with me. I have also learned that my kitten is trying to get me to pay attention to him while I write because I've been gone for more hours than I have been home.
I think that my next challenge is to walk or bike to work,5 miles each way, more days than not. Or to at least be more active. Today, I have walked over 3 miles, not all together, but still. Maybe my challenge will be to keep challenging myself, and writing about it on here with updates?
I admit that I do enjoy writing now, more than I thought that I would. I think of topics and jot them down so that I can share them with you, and I might actually continue, but not daily. It's too much when I'm working. I do have most of the month of June off, so keep looking, and maybe you will see more. I am no longer afraid of writing.
Until then dear readers, Good night.
Thank you for reading my blog for the last 30 days.
Looking back at my previous posts, I can safely say that I have enjoyed this challenge. The most read blog was the letter to Heinz. I've supposedly been read in United States 637 times, Singapore 9, Germany 8, Russia 2, Denmark 1, and once in India. That's pretty cool!
It seems that some blogs were read more than others. I think that the bible one probably didn't get viewed as much as I had hoped, you should give it a chance, it's not what you think!
I have written about different subjects or topics, and from my own experiences and thoughts. I understand that my grammar has not been the best, but I did warn you about that.
I have explored emotions that I might not have shared with my closest friends or family. I still have one that I may or may not decide to actually send to my parents, but I'm not sure if they could read my intentions as to why I would send them the one that I did not publish. In fact only ONE person has read that besides myself, and it may still stay that way.
I have been asked to continue writing my blog, and I may. I have received validation from some of you in the asking to keep it going. However, I have succeeded in my challenge to myself. This was really more about getting something done EVERYDAY. Each day I could not go to sleep until my blog was written. This may account for improper grammar as well as extreme diversion of thought. Even as I sit now, I fear that my synapses are not completing the journey from my brain to this "paper".
I have learned that I can be introspective without the need of a counselor to walk along my journey with me. I have also learned that my kitten is trying to get me to pay attention to him while I write because I've been gone for more hours than I have been home.
I think that my next challenge is to walk or bike to work,5 miles each way, more days than not. Or to at least be more active. Today, I have walked over 3 miles, not all together, but still. Maybe my challenge will be to keep challenging myself, and writing about it on here with updates?
I admit that I do enjoy writing now, more than I thought that I would. I think of topics and jot them down so that I can share them with you, and I might actually continue, but not daily. It's too much when I'm working. I do have most of the month of June off, so keep looking, and maybe you will see more. I am no longer afraid of writing.
Until then dear readers, Good night.
Sunday, May 29, 2011
The leash
Years ago, I decided to buy my mother a cell phone so that we could find her when she travels. While she was traveling on two different occasions, she missed important information. I can't remember what they both were right now, but it was important enough that she should have been able to be reached at that time. She travels all over the world now, not just driving accross the country. She was hesitant about getting a cell phone because she said it would be like having a leash, that people would be able to reach her ANYTIME, ANYWHERE. Well mom, I told her, you always have the option of not answering it.
Recently, both my mother and myself have gotten the REAL leash, an iPhone. Sure, I can still decline to answer calls, if I ever receive any, but there are apps that actually let people know where you are at any time of the day or night. It has been confirmed that Apple gets data about where you are, and has not said what they are planning to do with that information.
Think about FOURSQUARE. It instantly sends a "ping", or message, to any of your friends to let them know that you have "checked in" somewhere. This could be a great tool for unexpected natural disasters, in trying to locate bodies, but it's also a stalker's wet dream. Sure you don't have to send people messages about where you are checking in, but I think that defeats the purpose.
Do I REALLY need to know where you are?
Do you really want to know that I'm NOT out somewhere? Or that we didn't invite each other to the place that we are individually?
I suppose it's about the same as looking at a facebook feed, of course you can "check in" on there as well.
So, as far as the stalking, or big brother abilities go, you really can still control who sees what, except for apple. But I'm sure that someone is creating an app for that.
I will say that this leash has come in very handy when searching for directions, or cheapest gas stations, but I am not liking the actual PHONE part yet. Maybe that's because I'm not using it often for that purpose? I'd tell you to call me, but I've lowered my minutes so that I could afford the data plan and slightly higher insurance. Afterall, I'm not walking around this big world without insurance on an expensive phone, I didn't walk around without insurance on my cheap ass phone!
At least now when I get lost, someone can find me, even if I don't want them to!
Recently, both my mother and myself have gotten the REAL leash, an iPhone. Sure, I can still decline to answer calls, if I ever receive any, but there are apps that actually let people know where you are at any time of the day or night. It has been confirmed that Apple gets data about where you are, and has not said what they are planning to do with that information.
Think about FOURSQUARE. It instantly sends a "ping", or message, to any of your friends to let them know that you have "checked in" somewhere. This could be a great tool for unexpected natural disasters, in trying to locate bodies, but it's also a stalker's wet dream. Sure you don't have to send people messages about where you are checking in, but I think that defeats the purpose.
Do I REALLY need to know where you are?
Do you really want to know that I'm NOT out somewhere? Or that we didn't invite each other to the place that we are individually?
I suppose it's about the same as looking at a facebook feed, of course you can "check in" on there as well.
So, as far as the stalking, or big brother abilities go, you really can still control who sees what, except for apple. But I'm sure that someone is creating an app for that.
I will say that this leash has come in very handy when searching for directions, or cheapest gas stations, but I am not liking the actual PHONE part yet. Maybe that's because I'm not using it often for that purpose? I'd tell you to call me, but I've lowered my minutes so that I could afford the data plan and slightly higher insurance. Afterall, I'm not walking around this big world without insurance on an expensive phone, I didn't walk around without insurance on my cheap ass phone!
At least now when I get lost, someone can find me, even if I don't want them to!
Saturday, May 28, 2011
Signs, signs everywhere signs...
Some people strongly believe in signs. Something happens and some think, it's a sign! It's supposed to go this way, or it's not supposed to go that way.
I wonder if there really are signs, or are we looking for more validation about the choice that we have made? If signs really are all around us, directing us onto a specific path, how do we know if that path is the way that would make a positive choice or a negative one?
Sometimes when I'm watching Improv shows, for example, one of the performers might say my first name. They don't even know me, or know that I am there. Is it some sort of sign that I am supposed to be listening? Am I supposed to be going down this Improv path? I take it as a YES! Sometimes, they say things that amazingly correlate to my current journey, and let me think about a different option. I LOVE Improv!
What about those times when you are thinking about someone and either they contact you, or a song comes on that connects you somehow? Should I make contact with that person? Does that mean that they are thinking about making contact with me? I don't know. But when I think about them, I send them a hug in my mind. Unless there is much hurt or pain, then I take a second to try to embrace that feeling, or figure out that feeling. I know that it sounds rather "New Age", but I do try to be as positive as I can be and send positivity out to others. Key word there is TRY!
I was recently having a conversation with a friend who is frustrated with their, let's say crush. Whenever my friend feels like giving up, the crush seems to respond more. I've had similar experiences. Is this some kind of test to see if you really are done or to show that you are not?
What about dreams? I mean the ones that seem to be as if you are awake, not some flying talking elephant that changes your diaper. I know, we've all had some doozies! I feel like it's a snippet of something to come, like I AM on the right path! Example of a dream- Now mind you this was a dream, so be aware...
I was walking to meet the sea plane at the end of the dock from my hut on this tropical island paradise (DREAM!), when my mother comes out of the plane carrying a baby girl (she was wrapped in a pink baby blanket). It was my niece, and my mother was taking her to meet me. As I go to take her from my mother's arms, ask her, so what did they ( my sister and then brother in law) finally decide to name her? My mother said this very strangely beautiful uncommon name. I didn't remember what the name was in the dream, but months later my beautiful niece was born, and her name is not one that is typical at all. And I did live out of town, even though I was there the night she was born and I woke my mother up to take me to see her when I came home from the bar at 2am. I was notified that my niece had arrived by my mother placing a pink piece of paper on the front door, visible from the street, about the same distance as the length of the dock!
I've had many dreams that have given me "clues" about life that happens later. I usually only remember small parts, and usually only when it's happening in real time, like dejavu. Are these signs? I think so.
What about "negative" signs? You know, those gut wrenching feelings when you KNOW something is going on? Like when I was living with a guy and I was sure that he was cheating on me, so I found out where she lived and not only, like a scared idiot, knocked on her door, but heard him pulling up his pants (he was one of those guys that wore the chain to his wallet, and since we lived together, I was very familiar with that sound). I guess looking back, it was a positive thing, because I'm obviously not still with him now.
Or like when my maternal grandfather AND my paternal grandmother were both in the hospital in the city where I'm from, and I KNEW that I would be going back that weekend for a funeral, I just was wrong about for which person.
Or the time I needed to call my mother, but I wasn't sure why? She told me that she wasn't going to tell me over the phone, but that she was having surgery the next day, only to find out later that she had breast cancer. But that turned into a positive as well, as she was able to go through an experience that led her to help others that were going through similar experiences later on.
Maybe there aren't negative signs? Maybe things really do happen for a reason, and at the time that they happen we think the worst, but later come to realize how it became a positive experience. Well, hopefully. I can't imagine that anyone who has been through the natural disasters recently might think that it's a positive thing yet, but I hope that in time, it will lead to positive things in their lives.
Be careful of reading too much into something though, because that can just drive you crazy. Take these signs gracefully. Hold them in your back pocket and think about what they might mean, and then let them go until such a time comes when you might need them again. But by then, the signs might change. And all of this can occur in the time that you wait for the light to turn green. A sure sign to move forward on your path.
I wonder if there really are signs, or are we looking for more validation about the choice that we have made? If signs really are all around us, directing us onto a specific path, how do we know if that path is the way that would make a positive choice or a negative one?
Sometimes when I'm watching Improv shows, for example, one of the performers might say my first name. They don't even know me, or know that I am there. Is it some sort of sign that I am supposed to be listening? Am I supposed to be going down this Improv path? I take it as a YES! Sometimes, they say things that amazingly correlate to my current journey, and let me think about a different option. I LOVE Improv!
What about those times when you are thinking about someone and either they contact you, or a song comes on that connects you somehow? Should I make contact with that person? Does that mean that they are thinking about making contact with me? I don't know. But when I think about them, I send them a hug in my mind. Unless there is much hurt or pain, then I take a second to try to embrace that feeling, or figure out that feeling. I know that it sounds rather "New Age", but I do try to be as positive as I can be and send positivity out to others. Key word there is TRY!
I was recently having a conversation with a friend who is frustrated with their, let's say crush. Whenever my friend feels like giving up, the crush seems to respond more. I've had similar experiences. Is this some kind of test to see if you really are done or to show that you are not?
What about dreams? I mean the ones that seem to be as if you are awake, not some flying talking elephant that changes your diaper. I know, we've all had some doozies! I feel like it's a snippet of something to come, like I AM on the right path! Example of a dream- Now mind you this was a dream, so be aware...
I was walking to meet the sea plane at the end of the dock from my hut on this tropical island paradise (DREAM!), when my mother comes out of the plane carrying a baby girl (she was wrapped in a pink baby blanket). It was my niece, and my mother was taking her to meet me. As I go to take her from my mother's arms, ask her, so what did they ( my sister and then brother in law) finally decide to name her? My mother said this very strangely beautiful uncommon name. I didn't remember what the name was in the dream, but months later my beautiful niece was born, and her name is not one that is typical at all. And I did live out of town, even though I was there the night she was born and I woke my mother up to take me to see her when I came home from the bar at 2am. I was notified that my niece had arrived by my mother placing a pink piece of paper on the front door, visible from the street, about the same distance as the length of the dock!
I've had many dreams that have given me "clues" about life that happens later. I usually only remember small parts, and usually only when it's happening in real time, like dejavu. Are these signs? I think so.
What about "negative" signs? You know, those gut wrenching feelings when you KNOW something is going on? Like when I was living with a guy and I was sure that he was cheating on me, so I found out where she lived and not only, like a scared idiot, knocked on her door, but heard him pulling up his pants (he was one of those guys that wore the chain to his wallet, and since we lived together, I was very familiar with that sound). I guess looking back, it was a positive thing, because I'm obviously not still with him now.
Or like when my maternal grandfather AND my paternal grandmother were both in the hospital in the city where I'm from, and I KNEW that I would be going back that weekend for a funeral, I just was wrong about for which person.
Or the time I needed to call my mother, but I wasn't sure why? She told me that she wasn't going to tell me over the phone, but that she was having surgery the next day, only to find out later that she had breast cancer. But that turned into a positive as well, as she was able to go through an experience that led her to help others that were going through similar experiences later on.
Maybe there aren't negative signs? Maybe things really do happen for a reason, and at the time that they happen we think the worst, but later come to realize how it became a positive experience. Well, hopefully. I can't imagine that anyone who has been through the natural disasters recently might think that it's a positive thing yet, but I hope that in time, it will lead to positive things in their lives.
Be careful of reading too much into something though, because that can just drive you crazy. Take these signs gracefully. Hold them in your back pocket and think about what they might mean, and then let them go until such a time comes when you might need them again. But by then, the signs might change. And all of this can occur in the time that you wait for the light to turn green. A sure sign to move forward on your path.
Friday, May 27, 2011
On my mind...
With only 3 days left, I want to let you know that even though I may talk about wanting boyfriends, or dating, I'm really at a place in my life that it is nice to think that someone is out there, but I'm more liking the IDEA of it all. My heart really isn't in it right now. Mostly because it's been treated poorly, and partially because it may already belong to someone.
What brought this on?
Today at work, sitting next to me for most of the afternoon for reasons that I can not go into at this time,was Big City Detective. BCD, kept saying a few things over and over. 1) He can get ANYONE to admit to things they were not planning on confessing to, and 2) back to the topic of getting me hooked up with one of his co-worker buddies, or possibly someone at my high school reunion. (To which I said ummm I don't think so)
He got me thinking about a few things:
1) I might not care about actually finding someone because I'm already seeing someone, and very few people know about it. In fact I'm not sure that we can actually "LABEL" anything at this point. The problem lies in that fact that I sometimes want more than this person can give, yet also want my freedom of being able to go out on dates if asked. Or my freedom of NOT being involved with anyone. I can just sit on my couch and chill if I want without someone taking the remote from me.
I know, How is that a problem? If I'm asked, I may not be giving that person my full attention, and that's not fair to them. I'm good with my situation because I know that I don't have any expectations of him. There are no promises for anything other than what it is at the time. Sure he makes me laugh, think, feel...and when he wants to, he can be amazing. He can also be a total idiot, and asshole. Sometimes he is everything I want and nothing I want at the same time. He is consistently inconsistent! I am always learning new things about him, both good and bad, which I enjoy.
My face lights up when he enters the room, and my heart stops and it's like there is nobody else around. A friend of mine coined the phrase "relax your face" because of this, to remind me to calm it down, and not look so noticeable. Other times I'm annoyed by the fact that he is breathing. I enjoy spending time with him doing nothing, or anything. I need to relax my face right now before I get any further ideas. See! He got me to confess it to anyone whom might read this and didn't know that something was possibly going on. Even though nothing is really going on. Darn you BCD!
2) He wants to fix me up with some guy that has the same name as my Father AND brother. I just don't think that I could EVER date someone with that name. I think that it should be a deal breaker, and BCD thought that was dumb. This guy is in the correct age range, never been married, currently single, and likes to have fun, also holds a pretty good job, plus working where I do part-time. Sounds good on paper...I just don't know if I can get over his name. Is that bad? I guess it kind of is. Anyway, BCD told me to walk into the office where he normally sits, carrying paperwork to make me look more official, or purposeful, and trip over him, or one of the other guys in the small room. Then one of them will help me up and notice me... I know, it sounds like some cheesy romcom, but I might try it tomorrow to see what happens.
After all, BCD is probably right about one thing that I ABHOR! You have to play the game to get noticed. And if I'm getting noticed by someone, maybe the unlabeled will either get it and let me go, or maybe he won't like it and ask me out for REALZ! Yeah, I'm just going to do what I want to do. If something happens, it happens, and if it doesn't, it doesn't. If I get desperate, I can always answer one of my stalkers. Right?
yeah, I didn't think that was funny either.
What brought this on?
Today at work, sitting next to me for most of the afternoon for reasons that I can not go into at this time,was Big City Detective. BCD, kept saying a few things over and over. 1) He can get ANYONE to admit to things they were not planning on confessing to, and 2) back to the topic of getting me hooked up with one of his co-worker buddies, or possibly someone at my high school reunion. (To which I said ummm I don't think so)
He got me thinking about a few things:
1) I might not care about actually finding someone because I'm already seeing someone, and very few people know about it. In fact I'm not sure that we can actually "LABEL" anything at this point. The problem lies in that fact that I sometimes want more than this person can give, yet also want my freedom of being able to go out on dates if asked. Or my freedom of NOT being involved with anyone. I can just sit on my couch and chill if I want without someone taking the remote from me.
I know, How is that a problem? If I'm asked, I may not be giving that person my full attention, and that's not fair to them. I'm good with my situation because I know that I don't have any expectations of him. There are no promises for anything other than what it is at the time. Sure he makes me laugh, think, feel...and when he wants to, he can be amazing. He can also be a total idiot, and asshole. Sometimes he is everything I want and nothing I want at the same time. He is consistently inconsistent! I am always learning new things about him, both good and bad, which I enjoy.
My face lights up when he enters the room, and my heart stops and it's like there is nobody else around. A friend of mine coined the phrase "relax your face" because of this, to remind me to calm it down, and not look so noticeable. Other times I'm annoyed by the fact that he is breathing. I enjoy spending time with him doing nothing, or anything. I need to relax my face right now before I get any further ideas. See! He got me to confess it to anyone whom might read this and didn't know that something was possibly going on. Even though nothing is really going on. Darn you BCD!
2) He wants to fix me up with some guy that has the same name as my Father AND brother. I just don't think that I could EVER date someone with that name. I think that it should be a deal breaker, and BCD thought that was dumb. This guy is in the correct age range, never been married, currently single, and likes to have fun, also holds a pretty good job, plus working where I do part-time. Sounds good on paper...I just don't know if I can get over his name. Is that bad? I guess it kind of is. Anyway, BCD told me to walk into the office where he normally sits, carrying paperwork to make me look more official, or purposeful, and trip over him, or one of the other guys in the small room. Then one of them will help me up and notice me... I know, it sounds like some cheesy romcom, but I might try it tomorrow to see what happens.
After all, BCD is probably right about one thing that I ABHOR! You have to play the game to get noticed. And if I'm getting noticed by someone, maybe the unlabeled will either get it and let me go, or maybe he won't like it and ask me out for REALZ! Yeah, I'm just going to do what I want to do. If something happens, it happens, and if it doesn't, it doesn't. If I get desperate, I can always answer one of my stalkers. Right?
yeah, I didn't think that was funny either.
Thursday, May 26, 2011
Lyrically entitled
So, I have often wondered at times while listening to the radio, what certain lyrics mean. I will admit that it wasn't until sometime in College that I understood the actual words, and why my mother was horrified to take her 7 and 4 year old daughters to see GREASE. I'm sure that it was even worse that I wanted to look like Sandy at the END of the movie. Smoking, with the heels, wearing black satin pants, a leather jacket, and big hoop earrings. I think this explains a lot about me now. This bundled in with when I was about 12 and thought that I was going to be a prostitute when I grew up just to piss off my ministerial parents. I don't think that I really knew what that meant, but I was determined. Well, as much as a 12 year old can be I suppose. Sometimes I tell my mom that the Theater close by is hiring again...It's a strip club. She doesn't find it amusing, but I laugh even harder at her bemusement.
I remember feeling very uncomfortable when my, then 6 or 7 yr old niece was singing "underneath it all" or was it "underneath your clothes"? Either way.
Now, listening to a 12 year old explain the lyrics of "S&M" I can only think, when is the kidzbop version coming out? And how will they clean that up?
But the best way to see what these "children", "tweens" etc. are asking is to ask them what it means...If they don't get it, then they hopefully won't until they are in college as well. Unless, of course, they just don't want you to think that they get it. I remember when I was younger pretending to know what things meant, but having no clue. Of course I couldn't ask anyone since I had just said that I knew what they were talking about. FOR EXAMPLE, I was maybe 9, or 10? and I was sitting around with the "older" kids and my b.f.f. (A.C.E.), when someone told me that I was a virgin. I immediately said, no, I'm not! And was teased because everyone knew that I didn't know what they were talking about. I'm not a good liar, still to this day.
Ignorance really can be bliss.
I feel like we should applaud people who write lyrics that are actually radio friendly, yet at the same time, I don't like it when I actually know the lyrics and they alter them for the radio. You can't have it both ways I guess.
Truth be told, I don't like listening to certain songs with my mother either. So the songs need to be both Mother and Children friendly... I guess that's why I just sing showtunes from The Sound of Music, or Annie, or Disney Films. Although, some Disney films are not very family friendly, and definitely not usually female friendly. Back to my point.
What ever happened to those songs in a simpler time? Before we sang about sex, drugs, and gangs. Sure there were songs about these things, but done in a way that they were beating around the bush, so to speak. I mean, do kids even know songs like "Tie a yellow ribbon around the old oak tree", or patriotic songs like "She's a grand old Flag"? Let's start bringing great-grandma's music back and see if it's relevant today! I bet you may be surprised and shocked at some of those racy lyrics! How scandalous some of the folk songs must have been at that time. Of course I'd love to give you an example, however, I can't seem to think of nary a one! But what great sketch or stand-up material for me to revisit! Of course I might need a refresher in 1930's and 1940's popular music. Most of what I think of is Jazz, which could be racy indeed. So racy that people of different races couldn't even listen to music in the same rooms! Glad we aren't like that anymore!
I remember feeling very uncomfortable when my, then 6 or 7 yr old niece was singing "underneath it all" or was it "underneath your clothes"? Either way.
Now, listening to a 12 year old explain the lyrics of "S&M" I can only think, when is the kidzbop version coming out? And how will they clean that up?
But the best way to see what these "children", "tweens" etc. are asking is to ask them what it means...If they don't get it, then they hopefully won't until they are in college as well. Unless, of course, they just don't want you to think that they get it. I remember when I was younger pretending to know what things meant, but having no clue. Of course I couldn't ask anyone since I had just said that I knew what they were talking about. FOR EXAMPLE, I was maybe 9, or 10? and I was sitting around with the "older" kids and my b.f.f. (A.C.E.), when someone told me that I was a virgin. I immediately said, no, I'm not! And was teased because everyone knew that I didn't know what they were talking about. I'm not a good liar, still to this day.
Ignorance really can be bliss.
I feel like we should applaud people who write lyrics that are actually radio friendly, yet at the same time, I don't like it when I actually know the lyrics and they alter them for the radio. You can't have it both ways I guess.
Truth be told, I don't like listening to certain songs with my mother either. So the songs need to be both Mother and Children friendly... I guess that's why I just sing showtunes from The Sound of Music, or Annie, or Disney Films. Although, some Disney films are not very family friendly, and definitely not usually female friendly. Back to my point.
What ever happened to those songs in a simpler time? Before we sang about sex, drugs, and gangs. Sure there were songs about these things, but done in a way that they were beating around the bush, so to speak. I mean, do kids even know songs like "Tie a yellow ribbon around the old oak tree", or patriotic songs like "She's a grand old Flag"? Let's start bringing great-grandma's music back and see if it's relevant today! I bet you may be surprised and shocked at some of those racy lyrics! How scandalous some of the folk songs must have been at that time. Of course I'd love to give you an example, however, I can't seem to think of nary a one! But what great sketch or stand-up material for me to revisit! Of course I might need a refresher in 1930's and 1940's popular music. Most of what I think of is Jazz, which could be racy indeed. So racy that people of different races couldn't even listen to music in the same rooms! Glad we aren't like that anymore!
Wednesday, May 25, 2011
Validation
This morning, I was running late to work. With the downpour of rain I decided to drive up next to the stairs of the one office that I need to get my paperwork from and then drive it to my office across the street and then I would go find a parking spot. But when I got to my desk, I glanced over quickly as I was running to put paperwork down, I noticed that there was something on my desk. I instantly knew what it was and screamed! FINALLY after two years, I have gotten a form of recognition, or validation, from the company by becoming an "ALL STAR". More importantly from the head of Human Resources. I recieved a bat with my name engraved on it, and an insulated bag with a few items in it. A clock, key ring/bottle opener, magnets, and a few other items. It was nice to feel validated. The items didn't really matter to me, except the bat with my name on it. It is the fact that I now know that SOMEONE appreciates that I go "above and beyond every day". This year I've taken on the task of keeping a "line" of people with a written account of who was there first, which makes it much easier for her to know who is next without someone just barging in.
Just a few moments ago, I was siting in front of the television for a moment. Oprah happened to be on. Her final show was taped last week, yet it was like she had read yesterday's blog and was speaking directly to me. I was wondering what to write about today as there are many things on my mind that I could write about, and with only 5 days left in my challenge to myself I wonder if I will get them in. I honestly try to write down topic ideas as soon as I think of them, and somehow, usually misplace them as I start to sit down to write.
After I heard her talk about validation, I knew what to write about.
It's true that we all want to feel validated. We want to know that we fit in somehow. That we are smart enough, or cool enough, or pretty enough, or funny...ENOUGH! I understand that it's nice to get recognized for our abilities, but stop searching for it, or living your life to suit what you think that others might cheer you on for. Validate yourself. Know that you are doing what you should be doing at the time. Maybe you didn't do everything that you could, but you did everything that you could at THAT time.
One of the BEST text messages that I ever got from a friend of mine whom I adore, said that "validation of reciprocity is a good thing." Sure, it is great to know that someone feels the same way that you do, especially in a romantic relationship. Things are not always as they seem, but when you finally are on the same page with someone, it makes all of the difference in the world.
So, if we are all searching for validation, from ourselves, our parents, friends and lovers, will we stop trying when we get it? Or will we rejoice and find a new thing to get validated for? I write this blog not really for you to read it and comment on it, but to be able to write for myself. Of course, when I hear that people ACTUALLY read it, I get excited, and at the same time nervously waiting to hear validation... I guess we can't get away from it can we? GO validate someone that might not be expecting it, in a way that you KNOW that they would appreciate it, and you will both feel validated.
Just a few moments ago, I was siting in front of the television for a moment. Oprah happened to be on. Her final show was taped last week, yet it was like she had read yesterday's blog and was speaking directly to me. I was wondering what to write about today as there are many things on my mind that I could write about, and with only 5 days left in my challenge to myself I wonder if I will get them in. I honestly try to write down topic ideas as soon as I think of them, and somehow, usually misplace them as I start to sit down to write.
After I heard her talk about validation, I knew what to write about.
It's true that we all want to feel validated. We want to know that we fit in somehow. That we are smart enough, or cool enough, or pretty enough, or funny...ENOUGH! I understand that it's nice to get recognized for our abilities, but stop searching for it, or living your life to suit what you think that others might cheer you on for. Validate yourself. Know that you are doing what you should be doing at the time. Maybe you didn't do everything that you could, but you did everything that you could at THAT time.
One of the BEST text messages that I ever got from a friend of mine whom I adore, said that "validation of reciprocity is a good thing." Sure, it is great to know that someone feels the same way that you do, especially in a romantic relationship. Things are not always as they seem, but when you finally are on the same page with someone, it makes all of the difference in the world.
So, if we are all searching for validation, from ourselves, our parents, friends and lovers, will we stop trying when we get it? Or will we rejoice and find a new thing to get validated for? I write this blog not really for you to read it and comment on it, but to be able to write for myself. Of course, when I hear that people ACTUALLY read it, I get excited, and at the same time nervously waiting to hear validation... I guess we can't get away from it can we? GO validate someone that might not be expecting it, in a way that you KNOW that they would appreciate it, and you will both feel validated.
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