Finally over?

Dear readers,
Thank you for reading my blog for the last 30 days.
Looking back at my previous posts, I can safely say that I have enjoyed this challenge. The most read blog was the letter to Heinz. I've supposedly been read in United States 637 times, Singapore 9, Germany 8, Russia 2, Denmark 1, and once in India. That's pretty cool!
It seems that some blogs were read more than others. I think that the bible one probably didn't get viewed as much as I had hoped, you should give it a chance, it's not what you think!
I have written about different subjects or topics, and from my own experiences and thoughts. I understand that my grammar has not been the best, but I did warn you about that.
I have explored emotions that I might not have shared with my closest friends or family. I still have one that I may or may not decide to actually send to my parents, but I'm not sure if they could read my intentions as to why I would send them the one that I did not publish. In fact only ONE person has read that besides myself, and it may still stay that way.
I have been asked to continue writing my blog, and I may. I have received validation from some of you in the asking to keep it going. However, I have succeeded in my challenge to myself. This was really more about getting something done EVERYDAY. Each day I could not go to sleep until my blog was written. This may account for improper grammar as well as extreme diversion of thought. Even as I sit now, I fear that my synapses are not completing the journey from my brain to this "paper".
I have learned that I can be introspective without the need of a counselor to walk along my journey with me. I have also learned that my kitten is trying to get me to pay attention to him while I write because I've been gone for more hours than I have been home.
I think that my next challenge is to walk or bike to work,5 miles each way, more days than not. Or to at least be more active. Today, I have walked over 3 miles, not all together, but still. Maybe my challenge will be to keep challenging myself, and writing about it on here with updates?
I admit that I do enjoy writing now, more than I thought that I would. I think of topics and jot them down so that I can share them with you, and I might actually continue, but not daily. It's too much when I'm working. I do have most of the month of June off, so keep looking, and maybe you will see more. I am no longer afraid of writing.
Until then dear readers, Good night.

The leash

Years ago, I decided to buy my mother a cell phone so that we could find her when she travels. While she was traveling on two different occasions, she missed important information. I can't remember what they both were right now, but it was important enough that she should have been able to be reached at that time. She travels all over the world now, not just driving accross the country. She was hesitant about getting a cell phone because she said it would be like having a leash, that people would be able to reach her ANYTIME, ANYWHERE. Well mom, I told her, you always have the option of not answering it.

Recently, both my mother and myself have gotten the REAL leash, an iPhone. Sure, I can still decline to answer calls, if I ever receive any, but there are apps that actually let people know where you are at any time of the day or night. It has been confirmed that Apple gets data about where you are, and has not said what they are planning to do with that information.
Think about FOURSQUARE. It instantly sends a "ping", or message, to any of your friends to let them know that you have "checked in" somewhere. This could be a great tool for unexpected natural disasters, in trying to locate bodies, but it's also a stalker's wet dream. Sure you don't have to send people messages about where you are checking in, but I think that defeats the purpose.
Do I REALLY need to know where you are?
Do you really want to know that I'm NOT out somewhere? Or that we didn't invite each other to the place that we are individually?
I suppose it's about the same as looking at a facebook feed, of course you can "check in" on there as well.
So, as far as the stalking, or big brother abilities go, you really can still control who sees what, except for apple. But I'm sure that someone is creating an app for that.
I will say that this leash has come in very handy when searching for directions, or cheapest gas stations, but I am not liking the actual PHONE part yet. Maybe that's because I'm not using it often for that purpose? I'd tell you to call me, but I've lowered my minutes so that I could afford the data plan and slightly higher insurance. Afterall, I'm not walking around this big world without insurance on an expensive phone, I didn't walk around without insurance on my cheap ass phone!

At least now when I get lost, someone can find me, even if I don't want them to!

Signs, signs everywhere signs...

Some people strongly believe in signs. Something happens and some think, it's a sign! It's supposed to go this way, or it's not supposed to go that way.
I wonder if there really are signs, or are we looking for more validation about the choice that we have made? If signs really are all around us, directing us onto a specific path, how do we know if that path is the way that would make a positive choice or a negative one?
Sometimes when I'm watching Improv shows, for example, one of the performers might say my first name. They don't even know me, or know that I am there. Is it some sort of sign that I am supposed to be listening? Am I supposed to be going down this Improv path? I take it as a YES! Sometimes, they say things that amazingly correlate to my current journey, and let me think about a different option. I LOVE Improv!

What about those times when you are thinking about someone and either they contact you, or a song comes on that connects you somehow? Should I make contact with that person? Does that mean that they are thinking about making contact with me? I don't know. But when I think about them, I send them a hug in my mind. Unless there is much hurt or pain, then I take a second to try to embrace that feeling, or figure out that feeling. I know that it sounds rather "New Age", but I do try to be as positive as I can be and send positivity out to others. Key word there is TRY!

I was recently having a conversation with a friend who is frustrated with their, let's say crush. Whenever my friend feels like giving up, the crush seems to respond more. I've had similar experiences. Is this some kind of test to see if you really are done or to show that you are not?

What about dreams? I mean the ones that seem to be as if you are awake, not some flying talking elephant that changes your diaper. I know, we've all had some doozies!  I feel like it's a snippet of something to come, like I AM on the right path! Example of a dream- Now mind you this was a dream, so be aware...
    I was walking to meet the sea plane at the end of the dock from my hut on this tropical island paradise (DREAM!),  when my mother comes out of the plane carrying a baby girl (she was wrapped in a pink baby blanket). It was my niece, and my mother was taking her to meet me. As I go to take her from my mother's arms,  ask her, so what did they ( my sister and then brother in law) finally decide to name her? My mother said this very strangely beautiful uncommon name. I didn't remember what the name was in the dream, but months later my beautiful niece was born, and her name is not one that is typical at all. And I did live out of town, even though I was there the night she was born and I woke my mother up to take me to see her when I came home from the bar at 2am. I was notified that my niece had arrived by my mother placing a pink piece of paper on the front door, visible from the street, about the same distance as the length of the dock!

I've had many dreams that have given me "clues" about life that happens later. I usually only remember small parts, and usually only when it's happening in real time, like dejavu. Are these signs? I think so.

What about "negative" signs? You know, those gut wrenching feelings when you KNOW something is going on? Like when I was living with a guy and I was sure that he was cheating on me, so I found out where she lived and not only, like a scared idiot, knocked on her door, but heard him pulling up his pants (he was one of those guys that wore the chain to his wallet, and since we lived together, I was very familiar with that sound). I guess looking back, it was a positive thing, because I'm obviously not still with him now.
Or like when my maternal grandfather AND my paternal grandmother were both in the hospital in the city where I'm from, and I KNEW that I would be going back that weekend for a funeral, I just was wrong about for which person.
Or the time I needed to call my mother, but I wasn't sure why? She told me that she wasn't going to tell me over the phone, but that she was having surgery the next day, only to find out later that she had breast cancer. But that turned into a positive as well, as she was able to go through an experience that led her to help others that were going through similar experiences later on. 
Maybe there aren't negative signs? Maybe things really do happen for a reason, and at the time that they happen we think the worst, but later come to realize how it became a positive experience. Well, hopefully. I can't imagine that anyone who has been through the natural disasters recently might think that it's a positive thing yet, but I hope that in time, it will lead to positive things in their lives.

Be careful of reading too much into something though, because that can just drive you crazy. Take these signs gracefully. Hold them in your back pocket and think about what they might mean, and then let them go until such a time comes when you might need them again. But by then, the signs might change. And all of this can occur in the time that you wait for the light to turn green. A sure sign to move forward on your path.

On my mind...

With only 3 days left, I want to let you know that even though I may talk about wanting boyfriends, or dating, I'm really at a place in my life that it is nice to think that someone is out there, but I'm more liking the IDEA of it all. My heart really isn't in it right now. Mostly because it's been treated poorly, and partially because it may already belong to someone.

What brought this on?

Today at work, sitting next to me for most of the afternoon for reasons that I can not go into at this time,was Big City Detective. BCD, kept saying a few things over and over. 1) He can get ANYONE to admit to things they were not planning on confessing to, and 2) back to the topic of getting me hooked up with one of his co-worker buddies, or possibly someone at my high school reunion. (To which I said ummm I don't think so)
He got me thinking about a few things:
1) I might not care about actually finding someone because I'm already seeing someone, and very few people know about it. In fact I'm not sure that we can actually "LABEL" anything at this point. The problem lies in that fact that I sometimes want more than this person can give, yet also want my freedom of being able to go out on dates if asked. Or my freedom of NOT being involved with anyone. I can just sit on my couch and chill if I want without someone taking the remote from me.
I know, How is that a problem? If I'm asked, I may not be giving that person my full attention, and that's not fair to them. I'm good with my situation because I know that I don't have any expectations of him. There are no promises for anything other than what it is at the time. Sure he makes me laugh, think, feel...and when he wants to, he can be amazing. He can also be a total idiot, and asshole. Sometimes he is everything I want and nothing I want at the same time. He is consistently inconsistent! I am always learning new things about him, both good and bad, which I enjoy.
  My face lights up when he enters the room, and my heart stops and it's like there is nobody else around. A friend of mine coined the phrase "relax your face" because of this, to remind me to calm it down, and not look so noticeable. Other times I'm annoyed by the fact that he is breathing. I enjoy spending time with him doing nothing, or anything. I need to relax my face right now before I get any further ideas. See! He got me to confess it to anyone whom might read this and didn't know that something was possibly going on. Even though nothing is really going on. Darn you BCD!

2) He wants to fix me up with some guy that has the same name as my Father AND brother. I just don't think that I could EVER date someone with that name. I think that it should be a deal breaker, and BCD thought that was dumb. This guy is in the correct age range, never been married, currently single, and likes to have fun, also holds a pretty good job, plus working where I do part-time. Sounds good on paper...I just don't know if I can get over his name. Is that bad? I guess it kind of is. Anyway, BCD told me to walk into the office where he normally sits, carrying paperwork to make me look more official, or purposeful, and trip over him, or one of the other guys in the small room. Then one of them will help me up and notice me... I know, it sounds like some cheesy romcom, but I might try it tomorrow to see what happens.


After all, BCD is probably right about one thing that I ABHOR! You have to play the game to get noticed. And if I'm getting noticed by someone, maybe the unlabeled will either get it and let me go, or maybe he won't like it and ask me out for REALZ! Yeah, I'm just going to do what I want to do. If something happens, it happens, and if it doesn't, it doesn't. If I get desperate, I can always answer one of my stalkers. Right?
yeah, I didn't think that was funny either.

Lyrically entitled

So, I have often wondered at times while listening to the radio, what certain lyrics mean. I will admit that it wasn't until sometime in College that I understood the actual words, and why my mother was horrified to take her 7 and 4 year old daughters to see GREASE. I'm sure that it was even worse that I wanted to look like Sandy at the END of the movie. Smoking, with the heels, wearing black satin pants, a leather jacket,  and big hoop earrings. I think this explains a lot about me now. This bundled in with when I was about 12 and thought that I was going to be a prostitute when I grew up just to piss off my ministerial parents. I don't think that I really knew what that meant, but I was determined. Well, as much as a 12 year old can be I suppose. Sometimes I tell my mom that the Theater close by is hiring again...It's a strip club. She doesn't find it amusing, but I laugh even harder at her bemusement.
I remember feeling very uncomfortable when my, then 6 or 7 yr old niece was singing "underneath it all" or was it "underneath your clothes"? Either way.
Now, listening to a 12 year old explain the lyrics of "S&M" I can only think, when is the kidzbop version coming out? And how will they clean that up?
But the best way to see what these "children", "tweens" etc. are asking is to ask them what it means...If they don't get it, then they hopefully won't until they are in college as well. Unless, of course, they just don't want you to think that they get it. I remember when I was younger pretending to know what things meant, but having no clue. Of course I couldn't ask anyone since I had just said that I knew what they were talking about. FOR EXAMPLE, I was maybe 9, or 10? and I was sitting around with the "older" kids and my b.f.f. (A.C.E.), when someone told me that I was a virgin. I immediately said, no, I'm not! And was teased because everyone knew that I didn't know what they were talking about. I'm not a good liar, still to this day.
Ignorance really can be bliss.
I feel like we should applaud people who write lyrics that are actually radio friendly, yet at the same time, I don't like it when I actually know the lyrics and they alter them for the radio. You can't have it both ways I guess.
Truth be told, I don't like listening to certain songs with my mother either. So the songs need to be both Mother and Children friendly... I guess that's why I  just sing showtunes from The Sound of Music, or Annie, or Disney Films. Although, some Disney films are not very family friendly, and definitely not usually female friendly. Back to my point.
What ever happened to those songs in a simpler time? Before we sang about sex, drugs, and gangs. Sure there were songs about these things, but done in a way that they were beating around the bush, so to speak. I mean, do kids even know songs like "Tie a yellow ribbon around the old oak tree", or patriotic songs like "She's a grand old Flag"?  Let's start bringing great-grandma's music back and see if it's relevant today! I bet you may be surprised and shocked at some of those racy lyrics! How scandalous some of the folk songs must have been at that time. Of course I'd love to give you an example, however, I can't seem to think of nary a one! But what great sketch or stand-up material for me to revisit! Of course I might need a refresher in 1930's and 1940's popular music. Most of what I think of is Jazz, which could be racy indeed. So racy that people of different races couldn't even listen to music in the same rooms! Glad we aren't like that anymore!

Validation

This morning, I was running late to work. With the downpour of rain I decided to drive up next to the stairs of the one office that I need to get my paperwork from and then drive it to my office across the street and then I would go find a parking spot. But when I got to my desk, I glanced over quickly as I was running to put paperwork down,  I noticed that there was something on my desk. I instantly knew what it was and screamed! FINALLY after two years, I have gotten a form of recognition, or validation, from the company by becoming an "ALL STAR". More importantly from the head of Human Resources. I recieved a bat with my name engraved on it, and an insulated bag with a few items in it. A clock, key ring/bottle opener, magnets, and a few other items. It was nice to feel validated. The items didn't really matter to me, except the bat with my name on it. It is the fact that I now know that SOMEONE appreciates that I go "above and beyond every day". This year I've taken on the task of keeping a "line" of people with a written account of who was there first, which makes it much easier for her to know who is next without someone just barging in.
Just a few moments ago, I was siting in front of the television for a moment. Oprah happened to be on. Her final show was taped last week, yet it was like she had read yesterday's blog and was speaking directly to me. I was wondering what to write about today as there are many things on my mind that I could write about, and with only 5 days left in my challenge to myself I wonder if I will get them in. I honestly try to write down topic ideas as soon as I think of them, and somehow, usually misplace them as I start to sit down to write.
After I heard her talk about validation, I knew what to write about.
It's true that we all want to feel validated. We want to know that we fit in somehow. That we are smart enough, or cool enough, or pretty enough, or funny...ENOUGH! I understand that it's nice to get recognized for our abilities, but stop searching for it, or living your life to suit what you think that others might cheer you on for. Validate yourself.  Know that you are doing what you should be doing at the time. Maybe you didn't do everything that you could, but you did everything that you could at THAT time.
One of the BEST text messages that I ever got from a friend of mine whom I adore, said that "validation of reciprocity is a good thing."  Sure, it is great to know that someone feels the same way that you do, especially in a romantic relationship. Things are not always as they seem, but when you finally are on the same page with someone, it makes all of the difference in the world.
So, if we are all searching for validation, from ourselves, our parents, friends and lovers, will we stop trying when we get it? Or will we rejoice and find a new thing to get validated for? I write this blog not really for you to read it and comment on it, but to be able to write for myself. Of course, when I hear that people ACTUALLY read it, I get excited, and at the same time nervously waiting to hear validation... I guess we can't get away from it can we? GO validate someone that might not be expecting it, in a way that you KNOW that they would appreciate it, and you will both feel validated.

Only 6 days left for me, only 1 day left for her...

Dear Oprah,
Tomorrow is your final show. I've watched you, albeit off and on, for as long as I can remember. Every time I've been unemployed, especially here in the city, I've thought that I should get tickets to see a show. I never did. I used to dream about being a guest on your show, probably to promote a show or movie that I was in.
I would like to thank you, as most of America and the world already has, for giving us coined terms that we use everyday. I'm talking about the "ah-ha moment" especially. I feel as though the older I get, the more I have those moments and relish them.
I really want to tell you that when you discussed waiting to hear about getting the part in The Color Purple and singing "I Surrender All", I can picture you throwing your hands up into the air in complete surrender. Anytime I feel that way, I remember your story and in my head, or sometimes aloud, I start singing it as well. Although my version sounds a little more like the doorbell from WKRP in Cincinnati.
You have also reminded me that EVERY single person has a story. To try to hear someone out, to figure out why they may do the things that they do, not to just look at someone and judge them as they are right now. Not that I am much of one who judges, but it's a good reminder that we are all humans sharing similar journeys and paths along the way.
There were so many times that I wanted to write you for help in figuring out what to do with my life. It seemed that those were the times that you had discussions that I needed to hear at that particular time.
While watching the last two days, tears have formed in my eyes. Not tears of sadness, but of joy in the amount of joy that you have given to others, and not expecting anything in return. When Jada Smith said to you, that maybe you have no children of your own, but that you have mothered millions, please believe that.
I do have a small bone to pick with you. During this economic downfall, you have picked now to stop your shows? What about all of the people that you employ? Are they moving on to OWN with you? Or will they make the unemployment #'s jump in the next month or so?

Thank you Oprah, for all of the tears that I've shed, all of the books that I wanted to but didn't really read, all of the pounds that we have lost and gained together, and all of the insight that you have given to me.
Take some time to enjoy the view... Oh wait, you might not like that show. How about, take some time to do whatever you want to do for yourself.
I hope that your last show is great!

Today's blog is sponsored by the letters r and o and the number 9

Between my sisters and myself, we all own our residences to some extent, and I think that I can safely say, we all wish we rented at one time or another. Think about it, if you rent, the landlord has to fix and pay for broken pipes, leaks, etc. However, there are times that I miss having an actual single family home, instead of a condo.

I was recently shopping with some friends, well, more like browsing. And I saw adorable lawn furniture and remembered the joys of having a back yard and deck to decorate and relax in. I told my friends that I need a beach house. I'm thinking the Hamptons, maybe the Gulf Coast of Florida. I even said half sad, quarter jokingly, quarter seriously, if this means that I have to give up my dreams again? I quickly retorted that no, I just need to audition more and start making money!
Someday, I will either own a condo in an asssociation that functions, or better yet a year round beach house. I'm thinking cedar shake shingles that have turned gray from weathering over the years. It doesn't need to be huge, but room for family to visit, maybe a few friends too. If I have to choose between this beach house and a child, I'm thinking beach house. Sorry to any children of mine that years later might come across this. But now you understand why you have beachy names now doesn't it?
If Suzie Orman is telling people to rent instead of own now, I wonder what will happen in a few years when this economy gets better? If it does of course.
To rent, to own, to sleep perchance to dream?

I need a beard! AKA Dear hot gay (or straight I guess) men friends,

OK, OK, first off, I'm not talking about facial hair!
And I don't think that I'm gay. Although I do admit to being a gay man trapped in this body...
I have, in the past pretended to be involved with gay men who were not yet out, so that those breeders who are ignorant about gayness, wouldn't freak out. Well, now I need help. I've stated that I'm not sure that I really want to be in a relationship, but there are times when a date would be nice to have on hand. For example, I am going to a wedding reception in a few weeks, and may have mentioned that I might be a "plus one" in my RSVP.  Well, everyone got so excited, oooh who is he? And I said, I don't know yet.
Here's the deal. I'd like to have a friend join me who would have fun, be able to not be a wallflower, dance with me if there is dancing but I don't want him to get his hopes up thinking that it's a real "date". This is why I think that one of my hot gay friends would be a great choice. I used to have this guy friend who was so much fun. And then I got a boyfriend that apparently gave him a look as if to say to leave me alone. Then he had a girlfriend, you know the deal. Anyway he was fun to flirt with but I didn't take him seriously until one night when he drunkenly called me. Yeah, we don't talk anymore. Too bad, cause he was a great dancer, and easy on the eyes.
Today I may or may not have been hit on by a 68 year old man who may or may not be gay. He could work. He was making me try on 5" high heels and telling me that I should play up my height more. Maybe he was just trying to sell me some shoes though too... That is a story for a WHOLE different day.
Back to the topic at hand. I don't want to ask someone to go with me and lead them on. I've been lead on too many times, and it's just not nice. Plus he needs to be able to talk to people without me standing there the entire time. I'm a wanderer at a group event, I will flit and float to wherever I feel looks interesting and I don't expect him to follow me like a lost puppy dog. And I don't WANT him to do that either.
Maybe I could just call an escort service? Nahh, that might cost too much and be too obvious. So, expect a call from me if you are reasonably attractive, single and in a believable age range that I would date. Although I'm not sure what that range is anymore...
Who am I kidding, I'll go by myself, have a great time and not even worry about it. Just in case, keep an ear to the ground for me to call...

Ooooh that smell!

Have you ever noticed that new person smell is good, but old person smell is not?
Seriously! We sniff babies all the time, well maybe some of you don't, but they have this sweet, maple syrup smell to them. It's just too much to not sniff one. They could make candles or air freshener in newborn smell and people would buy it! Of course, there might be some confusion as to whether or not any babies were actually harmed in the process of making the new scent. But who in their right mind would but an air freshener that has old people smells? Unless it was old perfumes that are not currently in style. No one would buy "grandpa joe's 3rd day wearing the same outfit" eau de toilet. I think not!
Smells bring you to a special memory of a certain place in time. Some of my favorite smells from my childhood include- fresh cut grass, salt water, even dead low tide would make the cut, and that is not a pleasant smell, but it reminds me if coming home, or driving to the club. Another favorite was my grandfather's garage. Again, coming home.
I might be home more often if I could vet a new baby smelling candle. Or would I?
Yeah, maybe not.
Written on my iPhone again!

Is technology taking jobs away?

Today I am writing on my iPhone. First of all to see if I can, and second to get more practice typing on this screen. Beware of spelling and grammatical errors especially today.
I went to the bank today to deposit my paycheck. Now that I have the iPhone, I might not ever need to go to a branch again. I can take pictures of my checks and deposit them through my phone. I also pay most of my bills online without ever writing a check. Although, this may be convenient, at what price does this cost? Let's look at this for a minute. If my bills go through electronically, that means there is no paper being mailed via the post office. Which means that our postal workers are being cut since they are carrying less mail. Which also means that those who stay have to pick up more slack and they have to change the routes. So now you have less employees making most likely the same wage yet doing more.
On the other hand, it's costing me more to have access to this new way of living. I'm mot making more money, yet I have to pay more for the conviences of technology. I switched plans to have less minutes to actually speak to people, but I can now check my 2 email accounts, Facebook, blog, etc. any time from one device.
I miss dealing with humans. I hate calling numbers just to vet a computer generated voice that does not understand what I am trying to ask. You want jobs? Go old school and start dealing with people in person.
I think that I might be out of room on my phone's screen. I think that you get the gist.
Task completed.

Well, noted?

WOW!
For the first time ever in my life I was told that I need to have a lighter, more playful air AND that I do not exude a personality when I'm not in a scene. The good news is that I have the basics of improvisation down. I told you that I am often misunderstood. My trying to take something serious and being nervous has turned into "looking uncomfortable".
I can understand that I was nervous, and that these people have never met me, nor have I them. I can understand that when I'm watching other people do scenes in front of me, I'm in my head a little, wondering what they are doing, and listening. Especially when it comes to people that I've never watched, or played with before. And for those of you who don't know, sometimes watching people do scenes can be torture. Maybe that's what they saw? LOL

More playful? ME? OK. Sometimes I can hold back. I remember an audition I had YEARS ago for a television commercial. The line was "kinda tastes like chicken". They handed me a toasted coconut covered marshmallow as if I were on the line of the assembly plant making these nuggets. I had to bite into it and say the line. I wanted to start clucking like a chicken during my audition, and ran that by someone I trusted. They told me NOT to do that, that the casting company would not find it funny. I should have done it anyway because I didn't get the callback.
 But MORE playful in life? PLEASE! This is the woman that just yesterday entertained children by clucking like a chicken. Sure at first they were confused, possibly even scared, but they did laugh eventually.
A friend of mine recently told me to act if it is the ONLY time that you will be on that stage... Of course this was after the audition that I got the above notes about. The audition that I wrote about the other day, I also did not get, however, the email was well written and very general, stating that we have your photo and resume on file, but that you weren't the specific that we were looking for. I'm not sure if I can ask for notes or not. It did remind me of a letter that companies used to send out when you didn't get the job. Nicely done. I want to thank them for that.

My question is this... How does one gain confidence on stage- i.e. not looking nervous or "uncomfortable" if one doesn't get stage time? It's like a catch 22. I've been taking classes at 2 different major theaters for 2 years. You have about 8 weeks to play with people while learning about yourself and how they play. A respected teacher of mine once told me, there are only so many classes that you can take before you just have to get out there and do it. I guess I just have to bite the bullet, invite some people to play with, find a coach, and just get started.
Oh, one more thing. I totally get that many theaters of Improv have classes at their theaters, and that is how they make their money. HOWEVER, in giving notes to someone, maybe you shouldn't make a sales pitch as the end of the letter (three whole paragraphs?). It seems kind of tacky. I'm not saying, I'm just saying.
I did write a thank you for giving me notes email and told them that I want to take the summer off from taking classes.
Funny thing is? I have another audition on Sunday, and I have NO CLUE what I'm doing yet. I guess I'm just going to go have fun and see what happens... I mean, It's not like rejection is an uncommon theme this month, might as well have a grand old time. Right?

Unscramble this!

So, now that I have a smart phone, I have started playing words with friends... I think that there are at least 15 games going on right now. I just counted- there are 16. there are 10 that are finished. I have won 2, but I got out of 2 before I started playing. I am not ready to play strangers yet. I also got out of a game by accident because I really didn't have a moment to play a word, so I lost.
Here is some of my history on playing scrabble-type games. My mother is the most intelligent person that I know. My step-mother is close behind. They play scrabble together. Sure it sounds weird to you, but they play well together. My mother plays scrabble so often that we get her the newest scrabble dictionary when they come out. (Guess what she's getting for the next holiday present?)
I would play with my mom and our family and friends sometimes while we were sitting on the porch of the yacht club before dinner. I didn't like playing with the "adults" because while I was using "CAT" Mom used "QAT". I still feel that way. However, now that I'm one of those "adults", I'm playing decently. Well, I'm getting higher scores that I used to for totals. I just won a game with a total of 301.
My sister is hounding me to play faster.
We used to joke about having EIEIO- no consonants, only vowels. One game I have the last letter of J. There is ONLY one 2 letter word with J. "jo", there is no open "o". I fear I'm screwed on that one, plus I'm playing my sister who is much like her mother and very intellectual. Both of my sisters are. I'm the fun one. LMAO!
I just won another game, final score 370 to 358. These alerts are going off every minute or so! What have I started??? I have games that I've been waiting 2 and 3 days for my opponent to take their turn.
I feel like I have the same words over and over. I used AXE in at least 2 games today, and QAT in almost 8. I have had 4 E's, 2 A's and an I in one game, and no vowels in another.
I'd ask you to look for me, but I'm not sure how many I can play at once! If my mother ever gets a smartphone... I know she will want to play, and then I'll be playing "DOG" and she will add MA in a triple word score and beat me while I took a moment to blink!

Audition

The instructions were to have a comedic song prepared, anything, 4 minute time slot, as long as you had clearly marked sheet music. SHEET MUSIC? Who carries that anymore? Wait, I have sheet music somewhere right?
I wrote different lyrics to Ombra Mai Fu for tonight's audition. Not familiar with this song? I learned it in Class Voice in college. It was one of the only classes that I got an A in at Edinboro. The other was History of Modern Architecture. It's also pretty much the only sheet music that I have. Well, that book and the old maroon Presbyterian hymnal.

The aria was composed by Handel
Ombra mai fu
di vegetabile,
cara ed amabile,
soave più.
Translation from Italian;
A shade there never was,
of any plant,
dearer and more lovely,
or more sweet.
I practiced while listening to either Dmitri Hvorostovsky or Cecilia Bartoli via YouTube, as I can not read music, nor do I have a piano or Keyboard.  OK, I can read music, but very slowly. I'm much better by ear.
My lyrics, I wrote at work one day... Hey, sometimes you just have to write when it hits you!
I carefully made the lyrics as close to the corresponding syllables, and about an hour or so before my audition, I changed it again.
My lyrics that I actually sang:
Osama's fools
72 virgins they'd get
if they just fly these jets
such stupid fools
oh, life is cruel
so many virgin lies
but now that you have died
there's none for you
No virgins will you get
not one for you
They shot you in the eye
now you won't see paradise
What will you do? 
No virgins for you 
http://youtu.be/MugXdU-h6UU (Cecilia's version)
I thought it would be funny as if it were an angel singing to those trying to get into paradise...

Anyway I tested out the lyrics to a few people and got enough positive reviews that I decided to stick with it. After all, it was for an established show with a cast that wrote their own songs, so I figured that it would be good if I wrote my own words. Thank you to Handel and Cecilia. It's fun to sing those high notes with you, even though I'm singing different words.
I did get a few smiles from the auditioning 3, and they seemed to be genuine smiles, not those, wow, poor girl bless her heart smiles. So we shall see. Either way. I'm proud of myself for singing an aria for an audition with lyrics that are current. Who knows, maybe I will have a future in song parodies...

♪ Make new friends but keep the old ♫

There are a lot of celebrations this year. Well, I should sat there are many important mile markers this year. And I'm not afraid to tell you what they are.
1) 20 years ago this month I graduated from High School(Yes, in MAY). This means that I am 17 with 20 years of experience. I'm not afraid of my age. I will say that I did have a panic attack for at least 6 months prior to turning 35, but I'm told that I don't look 37. I think that people are either WONDERFUL liars, or 37 doesn't look old anymore. ANYWAY, There is going to be a reunion in August. I'm not sure if I can attend yet or not since I will be taking the weekend before off from work to attend my Family reunion on Long Island. No offense to those of you that I know from the 5 years that I schooled with you, but family is more important. I mean, if it wasn't for facebook, would we really be in touch? Did you invite me to parties in high school? That's a big NO. I remember my sister having a party at our house (sorry Mom) where some of you showed up and were RUDE to me in my own home. I actually went up to my room and waited for you to leave.  I never felt that welcomed by most of you, although we aren't friends on facebook now, so whatever. There are a few of you that I have missed over the years and try my best to keep in touch now. Some of you I can't find but know that I will find you some day. Wasn't a secret nickname of mine "follow" in h.s.? To those that I would like to see, I will let you know when I will be in town, if you live in the area, let's meet up. If I don't have to work that weekend, maybe I'll drive 8+ hours to check it out. If you live in an exotic location, I would love to come and visit you there! Or come to Chicago! And if we didn't really know each other then, I'm open to getting to know you now, I mean we were just kids then, and I guess people thought that I was a goodie-goodie. Well, I kinda was...

2) 20 years ago this fall I left home and went to college at Edinboro. That means that I've known some of you for 20 years. Where has the time gone? It seems like yesterday that I was walking from Shafer Hall (no longer in existence) to John's or Perkins for a cup of coffee with friends, shooting darts or pool at either the Hotel or the Boro. Some of my favorite acting performances were there, on and off stage. I got my first hickey there as well as my first black eye. There were other firsts there too, but those aren't open for discussion, unless you were involved. Shit, I guess I have to go to Homecoming this year... That's another effing trip back east...

3) 30 years ago, I was forced against my will to leave my home, friends and family on Long Island to move to the "cemetary", as I called it, in of all places Pittsburgh. The best part of that? A.C.E. and her family. And yes, Dave, I remember Kahlua summer as a fun one. The worst part? My family splitting apart and gaining a little sister whom I didn't like until she was 21. Not that I gave her much of a chance, but we are good now, so that's good. Another bad part? Loosing my first bestest friend in the whole wide world, and somehow losing touch over the years until facebook. I'm really excited to see that she's married and expecting her first child this fall. CONGRATS!
Hopefully there will be a "sisters celebration of 30 years" in York if not Pgh., Kennywood is a possiblilty, but A.C.E., the ZOO is a definite, since we spent much time there together! Maybe we should watch Cannonball Run or E.T. too? LMAO!
4) 25 years ago we moved to Greensburg. Best part about that? There are a few peeps that I still speak to, "Dave Gretsky" has been around the longest of them all I think. We were in each others weddings...

Over the past 30 years I have had some AMAZING people in my life. Some of them have stuck around through stormy times. I know there seem to be many of those, but I think it's smooth sailing for a little while right now. I've built up walls and torn them down, and built them up again. It's funny how I am beginning to tear them down again, not as fast, but at a pace that I can handle.This one has a foundation that goes deeper than I thought. I just heard Ronald Reagan saying. "TEAR DOWN THAT WALL NOSLARC!" I'm becoming more open to being vulnerable, talking about things openly. I always thought that I was an open book. I am realizing that I have my moments of quiet solitude and reflection. I enjoy those moments as much as I enjoy clucking like a chicken on the el to make myself or friends laugh. I do a really good chicken impersonation. ( D.O.G. C.A.T. C.T.A. BLUELINE!)
In the past year there has been a lot of changes in my world. I didn't see some of them coming, and as much pain as they have caused, I suppose without them I couldn't learn to grow. I've shared so much with people that I don't know very well, with responses that I wasn't expecting. All of the responses have been positive and have given me insight into areas that I need to work on. I am finally, albeit slowly, pursuing what it is that I want to do. This takes more courage then I thought that I had, to face some fears, acknowledge some ghosts and hopefully continue forward. I'm not good with trusting people, especially as of late, but I am finding that people show up when you need them, and I am very grateful for the possibility of a new friendship that I hope continues to blossom. It's funny how people inspire you, and when you tell them, they tell you that you inspire them.
"They" say  people don't change, but I am proof that they do. I mean, come on, did you ever really think that I was going to quit smoking? Or be that ex-smoker who thinks that the smell makes me want to vomit? If any of you still smoke, please have one for me right now, just not a menthol. My dad always said that you have to be sick to smoke those...
If you are upset that you didn't get a special shout out, at least you are reading this, which means that we are still in some form of communication and I am grateful for that. And like Marines... Once a New Yorker, ALWAYS a New Yorker...

Say what?

We teach people how to treat us the way that they do. Don't believe me? Think about it. DO you positively or negatively reward someone for their behavior?
Example #1... Booty calls... any time that you ALLOW someone to call you after let's be conservative and say 10 pm, they will only call you at those times, because you answer it. You set the trend. If he or she only texts you when they are drunk, or at late night hours, and you respond, you are allowing that to become a pattern. If you don't answer, they won't continue to do it. Try it some time.
Example #2... Bossman...You have a schedule, your time is precious or money, which ever way that you want to look at it. Your boss throws you a curve ball and says that they need you to do something on a day that you had not planned to work, had asked for it off, double checked, gotten it approved... The day before that day, they say that there is a meeting that you have to attend... DO you do it? I thought you said that your time was precious? Why are you letting your boss disrespect your time like that? Oh, the economy is bad and you don't want to rock the boat? I hear you, now grow a pair and do what you were taking the time off to do.
Example #3...friendship...Are you that friend that is so understanding that people seem to break plans with you because something just came up and they KNEW that you would understand? If you did that to them would they be understanding? No, they wouldn't. They would get mad at you because you didn't do what you said you would.
When you say that you are going to do something, do it. Now, I understand that things happen, and sometimes for a really good reason. I swear for the last few days all I wanted to do was come home and chill and then clean my house...But something seems to happen where I CHOOSE to do that instead of staying home and cleaning my rugs, vacuuming, cleaning the bathroom...etc... But I don't care if my house is immaculate. Not many people even know where I live, so I'm not expecting company anyway... My point is that if you allow behavior to continue, it will. If you allow that guy to ignore you then show up when he feels like it, it will continue to happen, because you have let it continue to happen. Treat people the way that you want to be treated, and you will see things change. And some day I will be home long enough to clean, and invite you over so that you can see my clean apartment... yeah, we all have dreams don't we?

Musically inclined

Did you ever wonder why you listen to the music that you do? How a certain song can bring you back to an exact moment in your life? Can you hear a song from beginning to end in your head as if it were being played on a CD (or record, or dare I say cassette tape or 8-track)?
I was thinking recently after a conversation with one of my male friends about music, how did I find out about different groups? Let's take a looksie...
I grew up listening to the radio. This was AMJAMS people. There was country, disco, rock and roll, OLDIES (you know stuff MY parents grew up with), and at my grandparents house there was Gospel.
I used to dance in my living room to 8 tracks of "oldies" music. I had a dance routine that I made up for each song, and it usually had to do with this old oriental rug that we had at the time. It was probably a 4'x5' rectangle. I remember it was light blue and I would "Stroll" along the edges...
Billy Joel has been and will ALWAYS be my favorite. I remember listening to records with the next door neighbor DIANE (who I guess I wanted to be called Diane after, but don't call me that now if you want to live).
As I got older, we would listen to American Top 40 on the way to and from church. I used to get "Song Lyrics" magazine and learn to sing along with all of the songs. 
I always listened to country too, even though it wasn't "cool". But Barbara Mandrell understood that I was country when country wasn't cool. I loved variety shows, especially Donny and Marie, and any Osmond family show. Let's not get into tv right now...
I always listened to the radio. Mostly top 40 because that's what I was familiar with. My sister introduced me to Depeche Mode and Violent Femmes. I still have the tape that has The Alarm on the one side, but I don't think that I ever listened to it.
High school~ I had a best guy friend in a band, SUB-ZERO, I don't want to insult them but I can't remember if they were supposed to be speed or death metal? Anyway, I'd be the girl in the pink outfit while everyone else wore black. But I LOVED my Anthrax "Among the Living" tape. 
In college, I was introduced to NIN and Sisters of Mercy by my first roommate... Still listened to top 40, and country( hello Shania Twain!) mixed in with a little techno and some hip-hop. Don't forget my former fellow choir member's band- Rusted Root...
My first memory of listening to Sublime was when Ja (former boyfriend's brother) was driving me somewhere around Cleveland.  Oh how I LOVED being introduced to what I was told was SKA.
Thank you Mighty Mighty Boss tones...
 After 9/11 I ONLY listened to country. for awhile. At least a year.
Well, whatever boy I liked at the time was how I learned about music... Of course, my female friends played a BIG part as well... I might not have ever learned about Wolfsheim, or Sophie Ellis Baxter, learned how to HEAD BANG correctly to the Smithereens, or there's this one girl who introduced me to a local Chicago band that I can't say enough about...

Don't get me started on Vivian Green's " love story" or Norah Jones...
Nowadays? I'm still listening to all of that... less on country now. My favorite cd's that are on repeat in my car... Adele "21" (best new female cd since either Norah Jones or Vivian Green), Abba "Gold", and of course Otter Petter "Nice night for a knife fight"...
But I've always wondered how people found this other music. Who decides what band is the hip, underground, cool new thing? Maybe I'll never know, or maybe I'll be apart of the next big thing... I am in a band you know... LMAO!                              

Rejection

I'm an actress. When I tried this the first go around, I did not have a huge feeling of support from the person who was supposed to be the most supportive in my life at that time. I gave in to the whole, get a real job thing and let someone crush my dreams. It was easy to let that happen at times when I was told that I was:
 too fat, not fat enough, too female, not feminine enough, too tall, too short, too white, too old, too young, too serious, not serious enough...
With all of that I still wanted to act. I went to New York City with a grassroots dramatics festival and won an "Excellence in Acting" award for my part as "Eve" in The serpent. Sure I was in two other plays for that same festival, but I spent the most time on Eve. I was told by my teacher at the time that I was a "character actress", which to me meant that I wasn't a pretty actress. Now, that's how I took it, but that's not necessarily how it was meant. I am great with characters, yet in the past year plus in Improv, I have done myself a disservice and not done some of my favorite characters on stage.
The remedy to this is to get more stage time. How do I do that? Well, by auditioning. Or taking more classes. *sigh* Ever feel like there are only so many classes that you can take before you just need to start putting into practice what you have been learning?
I just got another rejection from an audition, frustrating? yes. However, I've already learned that before you audition for something, maybe you should check out what it is that they are looking for. DUH right?
I was just watching a movie with some friends and part of what they talked about in this movie was the fact that you at least TRY to do what YOU want to be doing. TO make a choice. Sometimes, and eventually you will make a choice that will get you to where or what you want to be doing. Other times, you will be rejected. With that rejection, you have more choices- keep trying or give up. I'm going to choose to keep trying. Rejection is just part of figuring out what is a good fit for both parties at a particular time and place. I just haven't found the right place and time yet... I'll keep working on it because whether or not you think that my dreams may be LOFTY, they are my dreams, and I'm not going to let you take them away from me again. SO excuse me while I spend some time getting ready for my next audition... and then my next one, and so on, and so on...

I love when people throw Bible quotes around,so here's one I'm throwing out there

The Third letter of John 13-15:
I had much to write to you but I would rather not write with pen and ink; I hope to see you soon, and we will talk together face to face. Peace be to you. The friends greet you. Greet the friends, every one of them.

This is WAY before facebook, texting, etc... even BACK THEN It was better to communicate face to face rather than write it down where it could be misconstrued? I have over 600 friends, I better get started greeting all of you individually! Should I do it alphabetically? This is going to take some time!

Now remember, I'm not religious, I only pulled out my bible because I was going to look up random pages and take quotes out of context for comedic material. I thought that I remembered reading the bible when I was younger (My parents ARE ministers), and remember starting with so and so begot so and so who begot and so on(the begot-a-tudes). So I thought, How come no one EVER quotes for example:
Matthew 1; 4-5;
"and Aram the father of Aminadab, and Aminadab the father of Nahshonm and Nashon the father of Salomon, 5 and Solomon the father of Boaz by Rahab, and Boaz the father of Obed by Ruth, and Obed the father of Jesse"
So ends the word of the Lord....
Seriously? why don't we hear more about who's having sex with whom in the Bible. The Bible seems to be the first written script for a soap opera...There are people threatening each other, people die and come back to life, baby switching...
There are people who think that God is talking to them, or that get possessed (hellllloooo Days of our lives did that with Marlena).
All My Children is going off of the air soon... what does this mean for the Bible? Is it a coincidence that the star's last name is KANE? How about the fact that the Mayan Calendar is ending the same year that One Life to Live is ending??? Lanview spelled differently could be mayanview? Sure I took the liberty to replace the "L" with "may", but that's what people do when they want to make a pointless point right?

***note, the blogging site is down, yet here I write for you. And for those of you whom are ministers, you are welcome for your Sermon topic this week!****
**** Yes, I also understand that I may be going to hell for this, but I think I was already on my way after breaking most of the 10 commandments, if not all of them, although I can't seem to find them- aren't they in the book of Moses and the ten commandments? What? There isn't a book of Moses? But he's in so many stories! Man, he got ripped off!

Label maker

I have a pet peeve or two in my life, but one that bugged me today was when someone told me that I need to find a man and settle down... Not just a man, but a RICH man. Why must you project what you think that I need to be doing with my life?
Let's review...
1) I was once married, to a "nice guy". With all do respect to my Ex-husband, whom I really do respect in the concessions business, he didn't want me. Not the me that I was, or am, he wanted someone who I can't be.  I didn't know what I wanted, except to be married and start a family. Because that is what was expected of me. So, been there, done that, moving on...
2) I don't NEED a man. I feel that I've established this already. I said this to my co-worker who was telling me all of this and he suggested that I do for certain things... Nope, I can buy sperm or adopt a baby if I want one later (When the time is right Mom, calm down). And If I REALLY want to borrow a penis, I know a few that I could call. That's if I REALLY wanted to borrow one.
3)A RICH man? Well, if I have to have a man, he could be RICH. Let's see, when I was little I always wanted to be rich. Richness in friends, love and I guess there area a few things that money can buy. I'd like to have a boat with a membership at a yacht club. I grew up spending time boating and beaching it, and playing ping pong in the snack bar/library... So if there is a RICH man out there that wants to pay my bills, and take me on vacations around the world, I guess I can deal with that. I'm sure that comes with a price of some sort...
In all honesty, I don't care about money. I have had plenty of relationships with boys that have not much money. I hear my father saying, I keep telling you stop playing with the boys and look for a MAN, but like I tell you Dad, I don't know that they exist anymore...

Just because I don't fit into whatever YOU THINK that I should be doing with my life, doesn't mean that I will bend to what you think that I should do.
I've gotten so tired of everyone telling me what I need to do, that I've just stopped doing anything. I'm going to worry about what I want to do. I don't want the label of "unemployed, underemployed" and whatever stigma that you feel it has. I understand that I need to be able to pay my bills, and I do work when I am able, at two to three different jobs. DO I really expect after almost 3 years of not having a "real job" that I'm going to find one again? I have no idea.
But unlike my co-worker, please don't file me away in a file folder with some sort of projected dysfunction attached to it. Don't be a Label Maker.


*** Please note that when I started writing this I was at work on my lunch break, and was on a roll when I had to get back to work**** Great now, I'm apologizing for loosing my train of thought. I take it back, I don't apologize, it is what it is. For those of you reading, tomorrow's topic is on my desk at work, possibly How we teach people to treat us, or maybe some jokes.
******** I really like how in the corner as I write this, there is an area to "label" something... =o)

Do I have to have a male Mentor to make it official?

In most jobs or professions you have someone who has been around for a little longer than you that shows you the ins and outs of the business. Maybe this person is your supervisor, maybe just a colleague, maybe a teacher in that field. Either way, there is a "go to" person who will help guide you through any questions that you might be facing about a particular issue.
I think everyone should have a mentor. Lord knows that I have been in many different fields of work, and have been blessed to have people that I felt comfortable enough with that guided me to where I needed to go.
But now, as I restart this whole acting thing. I say restart, but it probably should just be start, since I did this previously in a different city before I let someone take away my dreams from me. But that's a different story for a different occasion.
I feel so grateful for people who are helping me figure this out, or kicking my butt in gear. Honestly I do. But, sometimes I wish there was just one person that could have the answers to my questions. Like a guardian angel who is specifically assigned to me. This person would help me find the best fit for me. They've got my back and are doing it because someone helped them. Like a 'pay it forward' kind of deal. I'll help you get on the right track and in turn you must help someone do the same.
Earlier today I was playing a game with my co-worker. You see, there's this Fed-Ex guy that comes in, often enough that we have a joke that he is supposed to stop by the cemetery and pick flowers for me, yet always forgets to bring them on the days that I work. We can't remember his name, so we were guessing what he is like. She thinks he might be gay, and I disagreed, stating that he was listening to a Kevin Smith podcast. Not that this makes him straight, but it's a game. My guess is that he likes cats, and is single only because he's a genuine nice guy. We are also guessing that he is around 38. It was a fun game to think about who this guy is. I don't even know how tall he is because I'm always sitting down when he comes in. I know, what's the point here lady? She was talking about why he might be single, and then said, well, why are you or I single? I told her that I knew EXACTLY why I was single (another story for another time). Anyway, my point is, I think I had one here somewhere... Oh yes, that if you want to be in a relationship, do you ask someone who has been single forever? NO, you talk to people who are in a healthy, long term relationship. I choose to speak to my Aunt and Uncle, or my two friends that have been married for 12 + years.
So when you want a mentor to help you become successful in the field that you have chosen, you need someone who is, is on the track to, or has been through the path that you want.
Now to figure out who my guardian angel is so that I can get back on track!

I'm not giving up, just tired

I forget until the end of the day that I need to write on here. Why do I procrastinate? I worked, actually came home exhausted, ate the rest of the cheese puffs, with chopsticks of course so that I wouldn't have cheese dust all over my hands and started watching  DVR'd events such as Modern Family. That show is HYSTERICAL!
Wow, I just heard someone say, I'm sorry- You eat Cheese Puffs with Chopsticks? Yes, I've been doing that since I was younger, like middle school younger. I'm pretty good with chopsticks, and I can also play chopsticks on the piano too. Think about it, no cheedle dust all over your hands! No cheedle dust on the new iphone! What a great idea you say? I know. I'm smart, AND classy...Back to my night... 
I ended up getting a phone call from my best friend from High School. We actually got to catch up for over an hour, which NEVER happens anymore. Never got to take a nap, or catch up on my games on words with friends. I currently have 4 friends that I am playing with. Why is it that when I play word games I inevitably get letters that don't spell anything for more than 5 points?

I had a topic that I was going to write about, and forgot it, so I was going to write a joke about a sleepy procrastinator, but I will have to get back to you after I get some sleep.

Dear Mom, If you actually read this, comment on my status so I know that the other person who is reading this is you.
Love you! Goodnight!

Happy Mother's Day, an edited retort

Happy Mother's Day!
I heard all day long. Sometimes with the question before, "Are you a mother?" and sometimes with the retort after," If you are a mother."
Here's the deal. Yes, I'm female. Yes, I'm old enough to be a mother. Yes, my body shape looks like I might have possibly popped out a child. Yes, I may look like a soccer mom some days. I'm not.

In theory, some say that I am a mother of 2 four legged babies(Harper is almost 7 and Jackson is almost 2). To which I said, well thankfully, the law doesn't recognize that, because DCFS would be all over me for neglect. Although, the older one could be baby sitting the younger, and they could be latch-key kids if they were allowed to leave the house... OK, too much thought is going into this.


My point is, that it's kind of awkward if you are NOT a mother. I still said Thank you. Occasionally,  I would say things like, well, there COULD be one out there somewhere, after all there are time periods in my life that I don't remember anything. To which I get the reply from actual women whom have been through the process, 'Oh, you'd remember' and I reply, 'not if I had been pumped full of drugs'. Keep it coming, I'll keep responding.


It's not like I haven't wanted to have children. All I wanted to be, if you asked me what I wanted to be when I grow up, was to be a mommy. At one time I wanted 4, two of each please. I even pretended to be trying when I was married, until I found out that you actually have to have sex to get pregnant. Did you know that? It's true, my gynecologist told me when she said that everything looked fine on my end. Years later, I was told that it could take 6 months or more of trying at my age (this was years ago). Believe me I know ALL about when you are supposed to try, how, which positions are supposedly best for which gender of a child that you want, that I should be taking pre-natal vitamins just to be on the safe side...I even know where to find the Chinese Moon calendar to know which months to try for if I want a boy or a girl. Mind you, I'm not obsessed with this process. Somehow it was ingrained into my brain when my sister was trying for her second baby. Reinforced again when my friends were trying. Many succeeded, and many are still trying.

I wish them all the best of luck, and with that I will say that I have carefully edited what was going to be a much longer post today and will leave it with this:
If you are a Mom, I hope that you had a great day,
If you are trying to be a mom, I hope that you had a great day
If you don't want to ever be a mom, I hope that you had a great day
If you are undecided, I hope that you had a great day.

And on the 7th day...

I am so tired. But I said that I would write everyday.
Each time I think about what I might write about, I forget it by the time that I get home to my computer. I started making a list at work today. I left it at work. Things that I think that I remember are; PLAY, DANCE(with a note about how every time the Pointer Sisters song, I'm so excited, comes on I remember a part of the routine from 6th or 7th grade gym class aerobics where we were stepping across the other foot in a very 1980's hip hop dance style.) There were others that I can't remember, I can see the paper and know exactly where it is on my desk, but that is as much as I can read on it from 5 miles away.
This is actually reminding me about how songs and memories can intertwine in my head. I can also remember the move that Mrs. Leese taught us for the Wang Chung song... I even say it at the part- out, in, up, down and then DOUBLE TIME-outinupdown...Just have me show you the next time either of these songs come on...

The real theme of today is that at a certain age we stop "playing" and dancing. WHY?
The toddlers at the daycare LOVE to dance, boys AND girls. As I get older I see to forget how to dance, although maybe I never really knew? I feel like the only way that I dance in public now is to dance like my Mother dances. Heel, step, other heel, steptogether... With my hands in a fist and a smirk on my face lips pressed together slightly smiling, hips out in the opposite direction of the heel that is out. I didn't used to dance like this! Did I? When I dance around the kids at the daycare, they look at me and LAUGH and ask me what I'm doing... Oh Goodness, I'm the old lady that's dancing like a fool! Great. Hey, at least I'm dancing!

PLAY!- Why are we all overweight? We don't go out and play enough! Yesterday while I was walking outside, someone had drawn a hop~scotch board (Incorrectly, but I wasn't going to erase and redraw it for them, and give them creative props indeed!). EVERYTIME I walked past that area, I jumped they way that you are supposed to! Then after dinner, I challenged a 7 year old to run with me a few blocks to get ice cream. We of COURSE stopped at every alley and street crossing, and I was out of breathe when we got there, but I ran, singing a song that I made up for the run... "We are running to get ice cream ♫, we are running to get ice cream ♪, we are stopping at the alley, we are looking nothing's coming, we are running to get ice cream♫..."  Whatever gets me moving, and ice cream as a treat? I'm in!

I think I just remembered another one- We teach people how to treat us... Maybe that would be better for another day... At least I have a reminder for now...
Don't forget to PLAY and DANCE a little every day! It could make your day!

Techologically challenging

Although I may be behind in such technical fascinations such as blogging and NO, I won't tweet, today I purchased my first smart phone. I woke up this morning, drove to Verizon (Whom I have been with since my phone was stolen when I worked at Soldier Field), where I was greeted by friendly faces, coffee and a bagel. What? You don't get that kind of welcome reception? Well, I've been telling you that people should follow me around with cameras!
I had been researching this purchase for a few months now. And I finally made my decision. I purchased a white iphone4 with a purple cover. I was so excited while making the purchase that I almost wet my pants. There may have been coffee and a bagel for me (Sesame of course, they know me so well), but I had to run over to Home Goods to use their public restroom...
ANYWAY, I didn't have as much time as I thought to have my trusted team of experts explain how to set up my phone, which was my fault since I had to be at work at 11. It was almost 10:30, and I don't like to be late, so I left to get to work on time. Of course I got to work about 20 minutes early, and started playing with my phone.
I'm glad that I'm figuring most of this out on my own, however, it is going to take some getting used to. There are many more bells and sounds that I'm not used to hearing. Why does it keep dinging? I have no idea. I want to know more. Luckily, I have many friends with the iphone that will help me choose cool apps, or figure out why it keeps trying to tell me something. I almost checked in at home, but I don't know that everyone on facebook needs to know where I live. So, until I figure that out, that's not going to happen.
Years ago I bought my mother her first cell phone. She did not really want one because she thought of it as a "leash" and that people would be able to find you wherever you were. I remember telling her, well that's the point! She travels often on long drives and if something would happen, I wanted her to be able to call us directly. I told her that just because the phone rings, it doesn't mena that you need to answer it.
Here I am, ten years or so later, with an ACTUAL technological leash. I can tell you, or Apple knows EXACTLY where I am at all times. That's a little much for me, but I look at it more in the following ways.
1) I have up to date traffic and directions on maps at my fingertips. My mother asked me to stop texting and driving, and don't worry mom, until I figure this one out, that's not going to happen. I can't even figure out yet how to stop the predictable text, and have already gotten scolded for it by an iphone using friend. BUT, Before I start a trip, I can get turn by turn directions, with traffic, and decide the best way to get there.
2) Now, I can stop borrowing my friends' phones to play games such as angry birds. I still don't get why they are angry.
3)I can get email notifications now faster than I have usually been checking my emails(that doesn't mean that you should continue to send me forwards because I just find most of them being deleted without being read).

I've been so excited about my phone today, to be able to be in touch more easily. And how many people have I been in touch with since this morning? I've gotten 1 phone call, a couple of emails, and 5 people that have texted me or responded to sent text messages...And 1 friend to play friends with words, althugh my letters SUCK...
A friend of mine told me that my life would change when I got my iphone...besides the best app-GAS BUDDY, not much has changed yet. And I'm hoping that the alarms that I've set will actually wake me up and not scare me into some sort of panic attack...
***disclaimer*** if you are not currently with Verizon and would like to be, we can both get $25 if you switch, ask me how. Also, if you aren't with Verizon, and usually call me, I've lowered my minutes so text first, unless it's after 9:01 on weeknights and anytime on weekends...

Take a chance on me?

How many chances do you give people? Maybe it depends on who the person is? Is it a friend? love interest? The President?
I understand that people come into your life and may leave without you ever knowing why. I am glad for many people that have "come for a visit", shall we say. Whether it has been a short visit, or one that has meandered through parallel experiences along my journey.
I'm still slightly in touch, via facebook, with my very first best friend. Over the years we had fought like cats, and after moving away, we would write letters, see each other in the summer, and somehow, we drifted apart...Until facebook. Now I can check in to, at least ,see how she is doing, even if I might not do it daily, or weekly...I can find her again and check in(as I do with most people).
I'm not sure why or how we lost touch, and maybe it doesn't matter. There are people that I still think about who were in my life for practically just a moment, that have touched me with kindness, or not kindness, and I often wonder what happened to them...
There are others, who have been more recently involved in my world, who I thought would be around forever, and are not. No, they haven't died, just not involved in my world anymore. I know what some of my actions that may have caused these absences, but maybe not all of it was my fault, and some people, I might not ever know what happened.
There are people that are coming back into my life that I didn't think would EVER come back, and I would have bet BIG money that I WOULDN'T LET it happen. You know the saying, fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me...( I think that the rest of it should say fool me three times I'm getting a gun).
And yet, here I am giving someone who may or may not be deserving of my time and attention another chance at friendship. Because I believe that people DO deserve another chance. I believe that people CAN change. I've changed.
I sometimes think of it this way. When someone goes to jail, serves their time for whatever crime they committed, they are released back into society. They are supposed to get the benefit of the doubt and get a new chance. Hopefully, they have learned the lesson of what not to do, made amends and won't do it again. Now, I'm not saying that I've ever gone to jail. But I have been ostracized from a group of people that I thought were my friends, or family, for actions that I take full responsibility for my part in.  Maybe, I'm not going to get a chance, and maybe I'm not ready to give them a chance. That's just the way that it goes sometimes. But knowing that pain of isolation from people who were supposed to be your friends, your support system? Well, it makes you rethink how you treat others who want another chance. Of course with MAJOR walls of protection around you(Good luck breaking these puppies down).
But how do you determine which people get that chance? 
Recently, as you may or may not know, I was supposed to go on a first date with a guy that I haven't met yet. O.K., so final plans were never really in concrete. He said he was going to call to define what we were going to do... Call didn't come,  I made other plans. No big deal, I don't know this guy from Adam. He attempts again, I'll make it up to you, I was an ass for forgetting...OK. I'll give you another chance, against MY better judgement, only because a friend of mine said something at work that made me think, well we didn't have a definite anything set, just that we were supposed to meet on this day.
SO, I agreed, but I want to know what we are doing and when. I want a definite plan made. We made plans for dinner at 6pm that Wednesday. After I got done from work I was supposed to meet him at a Thai restaurant close to where I work. Wednesday 4pm~ I get a text from him saying that he wasn't sure that he could make it and that he would call me if  he could. By the way, it wasn't a family emergency, he was acquiring a vehicle all of a sudden...4pm? ON the day of? Seriously? OK( I wish you could hear this Ohhhkaaaayyyy the way my former supervisor in Cleveland would say it). Didn't hear from him until a week later. Asking for forgiveness, in email,  because it was bad timing... This was his 3rd offense in making, albeit somewhat vague, but plans, and breaking them, followed by silence. I'm sensing a pattern that I don't think I need to be involved in. Not sure if he will get another chance even though he "really wants to meet me". Yeah, it totally seems that way dude. Good luck with that. (You do know that I LOVE sarcasm right?)
Yet, at the same time I'm giving a friend whom has literally threatened me with violence, another chance, because I hope this time that she really has changed,. But mostly, because I believe that she wants to make amends. Because I know when she is good, she is very, very good...but when she is bad...she's horrid. =o)

There are two other people that I keep giving chances over and over again to as well. Both have hurt me immensely. I mean deep, cavernous wounds that start to heal and then get deeper when they hurt me again.
With the one person, I swear each time that I won't let them hurt me again. I won't expect ANYTHING from them so they can't let me down. Because I feel, that if you expect something from someone who continually disappoints you, you will always be disappointed. But if you don't expect anything that they say they will do, and they actually do it, they surprise you pleasantly.
Of course, you might "prefer" if they actually did some of the things that they say they'd do, or even pleasantly surprise you more often, but hey, a girl can dream right?
But then, the person who I continually give more chances to than ANYONE, is myself. I have done the MOST damage to myself. I used to avoid getting into fights with tough girls who wanted to kick my butt by showing them that they didn't have to, I could do it myself. I would run around in a circle literally bending my leg behind myself to physically kick my own ass. This was supposed to be my way of diffusing the tension, making a joke. It worked, many times.Thank God I've got long legs! But inside, I was doing more damage than any of my former bullies ever knew or could. But that's a different story for a different day. Another chance for me to honestly write about whatever may come up.
So how do you decide whom you give chances to?

SERIOUSLY??? AKA How to apply for a job

I can't believe that people actually show up to fill out applications in the following fashion. These are HUGE pet peeves of mine. You are coming to fill out an application for a JOB. FIRST impressions are crucial!
Here are some things that maybe you should review before the next time that you go to fill out an application:
1) Dress to impress. This is your first impression with the company. You don't know who is handing you the application, it could be the president of the company, or someone who has drank enough kool-aid to know that by first impressions, they won't want you.
2) BRING A PEN/PENCIL! SERIOUSLY? You are coming to "fill out an application" without something to fill it out with? What else are you going expect me to do for you while you are working?

3) Don't give someone an attitude while you are there to ask them to hire you. Your application may be the best in the world, but with that attitude, it's going in the "no" pile.
4) Why are you visibly wearing your ear buds/ talking on the phone when you are walking in the door? And don't tell me it's a cultural thing. It's a place of business, learn some respect for yourself, maybe then you will get a job for more than minimum wage.
5) You brought your children? Listen, I may not be a mom, and I know the economy is tough, but NOBODY could watch your child for an hour or so while you fill out an application for a job? Just because you bring in your children, does not make me have pity on you to give you a job. Find a sitter. Preferably one that you trust. In other words don't leave them in a car with a window cracked open.

6) READ THE APPLICATION carefully. I understand, of all people how redundant applications are. Obviously if you are 21 you are also over the age of 16 and 18. Check the boxes anyway, they do apply to you. Also, I know that if you actually did graduate from High school, that you probably finished grammar school (I really think that is ridiculous!), but if it asks for the name, FILL IT OUT.
7) If you did NOT graduate from high school or college, do NOT list the degree that you didn't receive.  You don't get the degree, you don't get to say that you have it. 
8) When they ask you for your hours of AVAILABILITY, do not put what you can not work. Come on Eileen! ♫

9) When they ask for your state ID, the issuing state is NOT CHICAGO. Chicago is not a state. Although some people think it's a nation, but that's a whole other discussion...
10) If you have a challenge with the English language, meaning that it is not your native tongue, maybe get someone that can write and understand to translate it for you. For example, a statement that might ask, why did you leave(referring to a previous job, or being terminated) do not write, I leave in Chicago. Bless you hearts, but you probably won't be able to understand what is being asked of you. I'm not speaking about Spanish either, most businesses have Spanish speaking employees.
11) MOST IMPORTANT, as if the others aren't... Know at least the company name of what you are applying, or location. For example, If you are filling out an application and it asks, to which location are you applying, do not write a different company name that isn't even relevant to where you are, i.e. if you are at McDonald's, don't write Avon... Hint- it's probably ON the application.


I know times are tough, and not everyone wants to work for minimum wage, but if you are attempting to get a job, please follow these helpful hints of mine. Or ask me some questions in advance, because there are more issues than what I've listed. Who knows, maybe you will be luck enough to get a call back for an interview.
Good Luck out there my fellow Americans!
And I'm sorry that it's technically after midnight, but I just got home, and haven't been to sleep yet, so it still counts as May 4th for me!

To be or not to be...Single

After speaking with a few of my lovely single lady friends (and family), I'm wondering what in the world is happening? These are beautiful women, inside AND out, and actually WANT to be in relationships but... Here's the thing, I'm pretty sure that the guys they dream about are either gay, or already taken... not really. I have plenty of single, good looking, male friends too...
I've already written about some of my first dates that went wrong, but at least I have tried to meet guys. So what really is the issue here? I'm thinking there are a couple of angles.
1) My friend tells me about this GORGEOUS friend of hers that actually changes, and does so with success, a guy to what she wants. She tells him up front that he MUST go to the gym 3 times a week, dresses him, etc.. Then when he's just what she wanted, she gets bored. This girl obviously wants the challenge and then looks for a new guy to change. But hey, she's beautifying the world, one guy at a time. I wonder if they stay that way after she breaks their heart?
I don't want to change anyone. Neither do most of my single friends (maybe change their status to "in a relationship", but that's it). I hear often about these urban myth females that after a guy meets THIS ONE girl, he stops cheating, drinking, doing drugs, whatever the guy had been doing forever... I think this is a myth and it needs to be busted on myth busters. But I can tell you now, that nobody is going to change unless they want to, no matter what you do or say.

2) It seems to me that guys don't want a commitment. There, I've said it. I remember last year "dating" a guy much younger than myself (I don't think that was the problem) and when a friend of his asked if I was seeing someone, I said yes, your friend... He said that we weren't "dating" and that he wasn't ready to be "taken off the market". So play on playa! See you later! As for other guys? well, they are just too "busy" with work, or life to get involved for more than one night here or there. To quote NSYNC- Bye Bye Bye ♫

3) We are just too nice. Too nice to ask someone out- I mean think of the humiliation if they said no! LOL Too nice to say yes to someone that might be great for us... Now hold on a minute. I know these women(and guys), one said she'd rather have a "bald fat guy" because he's not going anywhere. See, not picky., too nice.
Personally, I'm not a height-ist, ageist, or racist. I don't care if you are bald, fat, skinny, tattooed, clean shaven, scruffy, republican, democrat, atheist, Catholic, Jewish, Muslim, Buddhist, or what have you. As long as you like who you are, like me, and treat me well. I would prefer, for myself, that you have a job or passion that you are following... And a good all around human being. I'd really prefer if you didn't have any addictions. Is that too much to ask for? I'm not longing for Prince Charming to ride up on his noble steed and whisk me away to a perfect life in a dark, damp, castle. I didn't even look at pictures of the recent "Royal Wedding".

But where to meet these people? I think THAT is the real key...

I know plenty of people that have met and married or are currently in a relationship with someone they met online. But what if you would rather just walk into Starbucks or Trader Joe's and see him/her and keep going back to see if they make a move. Oh, yes, that could be considered "stalking". I forgot.
I think that the trick is to take a chance. If you like someone, ask them out, or you might not ever know what could actually happen...
Of course, that's just my opinion. And I'm not really looking. I'm one of those too busy with life people. O.K., not really...I'm not really interested in a relationship right now. HOWEVER, if you like someone why not go for it? Take a risk and ask them out? That's the only way you are going to figure it out. SO go ahead and do it. Today! What are you waiting for Ladies? And guys, do the same!  Or keep wondering to be or not to be, single forever...

Dear Heinz (and other food manufacturers);

I want you to know that I've been using your products all of my life. My family has owned stock in your company all of my life. Heck, Heinz ketchup is the ONLY ketchup I like.
I've recently decided that I'd like to live a healthier life. I'm not saying that I go to the gym as often as I'd like, or diet in fad ways (I did say healthier)... But I am trying to get more healthy in what I consume, when the choice is up to me. When I go to the grocery store, I am a label reader. I've decided that I don't want to buy products with ingredients that I don't know, or think are necessary to ingest.
For example, I used to believe that sugar was bad, so I switched to "sweeteners" that I was told were a better form and better for me. Well, I am already concerned with my brain functions, so artificial sweeteners are not something that I want, especially if they are helping to deteriorate said functions. Because of this, I've given up most soda's, Crystal Light, and most juices. So goodbye artificial sweeteners, and hello again sugar or honey, or maple syrup, or what about beet sugar?
This goes for High Fructose Corn Syrup as well. I understand that it makes the products less expensive to produce, and therefore cheaper for us to buy. But I'm no longer buying them, so you and your friends, or competitors are loosing money. I recently read the label of my favorite soup growing up as a child, Campbell's tomato, and there it was staring at me. No more of that either. Instead, I bought an organic soup with ingredients that I understood. Do I care that it's organic- no. I care that it says what the product contains (Filtered water, Tomatoes, Roasted red bell peppers, organic evaporated cane juice, corn starch, onion, garlic, sea salt, spices). Nothing weird there...
Interesting fact Heinz- I paid MORE for your "NEW! Simply Heinz Tomato Ketchup", in a smaller container because I understand your Ingredients: Tomato concentrate from red ripe tomatoes, distilled vinegar, sugar, salt, onion powder, spice, natural flavoring... Now I'm not sure what spice you use for "spice", or what natural flavoring really is, and maybe I don't need to know, but I'd much rather eat things that are more simple of ingredients than not.
Mind you, I'm not perfect. I can't control what they use in restaurants (well I can by not eating there), but when I can control it through my purchases, I will.
I write this today beacuse on facebook you posted that you are bringing back the "retro" glass bottles, but you aren't probably putting the "retro" formula in those are you? Doesn't anyone remember the whole "new Coke" fiasco? Coca~Cola went back to the "Classic" recipe, after consumers wouldn't stand for it.
I URGE you and other food manufacturers to PLEASE go back to simple ingredients. I would rather pay for this in dollars, rather than in obesity or health problems down the road.

Sincerely,
me
and possibly a few hundred other people 

P.S. 
I'm not signing with my actual name, not because I don't believe in what I said, but because my whole blog is more of a personal challenge, and not necessarily for public consumption without some sort of anonymity...

Queen of First Dates

For Suzanne~

I've given myself the nickname "Queen of First Dates" because, well, quite simply, I don't always get a second one. And I don't always blame the guy, as you will read shortly, but sometimes, I just don't get a call back.

Online dating- I am on a few online dating sites- although I haven't checked them in forever. I have met some very interesting guys on these sites. Some of them have ended up as good friends, some have been stalking me, not in a harmful way, but in the way where someone calls you with *67, so it becomes a restricted #, and hangs up when you answer (this is why I don't answer from numbers that I don't know anymore).

My first example we shall call him "stalker A", honestly I don't remember his name anyway. Met online, chatted, emailed, talked on the phone, you know the usual drill. (Here comes the sarcasm) And he's just my type, lives at home with parents...(SHOCKER) So I drive out to the suburb of ,I think it was, Cary, IL to meet up with him at a bar (SHOCKER # 2) to play trivia. It was ok. He was nice, tall, and a regular enough at trivia that his friends were there, even though I don't think that we sat with them... We ate bar food, had a beer or two, played trivia... I wasn't interested (SHOCKER#3) and he walked me to my car and probably tried to kiss me... I know it sounds like a normal first date- just hold on a minute... I got lost leaving so I called him to ask for directional assistance- he then says, why don't you just come home to my house with me, my mom won't mind...Like his parents are waiting to meet me or something...CREEPY... I (Obviously) found my way back to civilization and when he called I told him that I didn't think more was going to happen, yet he kept calling, and calling...and I stopped answering....

Next example~ Let's call him "funny guy" because he was supposedly a comedian, and this was before I started taking comedy classes I think... Met online, yadda, yadda, yadda, lives in the city, NOT with parents, meet up for a drink at a bar in Lakeview. What happened to dinner people?... We had a decent conversation, both laughed...It was close to St. Patty's Day, and I wanted one of those CHI~RISH things that Miller lite has, if you live here you know what I mean... Oh and this was back when I smoked, so I'd go out and smoke a cigarette(because I was drinking people, with no food) and when I'm outside smoking on this outdoor patio with other smokers I'm going to talk to people. I'm social, what can I say? Besides, his friends were at the bar- it was his hangout, so it's not like he was sitting there by himself, right? Anywhoo, his friend, who reminds me of that actor who is currently in United States of Tara as Charmaine's baby daddy,  was talking to me while funny guy was chatting it up with more friends...I told him that I wanted one of those signs and I was going to go ask for one from the (Happened to be cute) bartender whom I had met outside smoking... Funny Guy left me at the bar, because he thought that I was flirting with the bartender... OK, I guess it didn't give the best first impression, point for funny guy, subtract point from me...Needless to say, no call back.

For those of you whom may have heard this one before, and I DID use this for the only time that I've done stand-up so far, because that's how bad this one went...
Let's call him "Broken Rib guy"...
Broken Rib guy and I actually met face to face via mutual admiration for occult bookstores...He is a Chaos magician, and a voodoo priest, and attuned me in REIKI...and hopefully not reading this now, since we are still friends on facebook... He doesn't live here right now, but comes for workshops and such at different times of the year. So we were keeping touch via im, email, what have you, and phone calls. THEN, he asked me to join him with friends while he was in town for dinner...sushi.... He actually picked me up (I'd known him for a year or so at this point) and we went to dinner with his friends. GREAT SUSHI (but I haven't been back since). Fun conversations about how they all went to Haiti together and got locked up in a Haitian jail, good times. Go back to the car and he kissed me. Now, let's back up for a minute... It had been MONTHS since someone had kissed me (Mom stop reading NOW, no, it's ok Mom, I shortened the story), so I was hard up, shall we say... But have you ever kissed someone that sticks out their tongue and doesn't move it? And also, doesn't close their mouth to seal the kiss? Kinda like how a toddler gives kisses but with tongue and he's a grown man? Keep reading, it gets worse... So he tells me that he is REALLY good at giving back-rubs and great with his hands and he would like to give me one. Who turns down back-rubs? So we go back to my place, and I recieve one of the worst back-rubs ever...But, I keep going, because now he is in my house, so let's see what could happen right? (Sense the desparation?) Start making out, which was more bad, open- mouthed, stagnant tongue kisses, and I need to say that he is a bigger guy, and I'm only saying that because it's true and necessary for this next part of the story... He goes to adjust his positioning by putting his hand on my left rib area and presses down and there is a loud CRACK, followed by pain. He says, "guess you won't be needing that".. And he is SUPPOSED to be a healer! Never even offered to heal my rib! Needless to say, haven't talked to him, and it's been 2 years almost... By the way, I called friends that are doctors to see if I should/could do anything about it since I have no health insurance and they don't even tape ribs up anymore, did you know that?
(Brief sidebar- I thought my computer had lost this whole thing, but it didn't, thankfully, but I may have lost the roll that I was on)
Those are 3 of not the best, first dates so who cares anyway? But I have had, what I thought, were great first dates and never heard from them again. Here's an example of a great first date...
Let's call him by his actual nickname- Oh yes, I give guys, or my friends give guys, nicknames.. There have been Motorcycle boy which turned into toothbrush boy~ turned into shithead, for good reason...That was one of my LTR's.. Other recent fun nicknames have included Vision boy (I had a weird vision when he kissed me), Halloween boy (Met at Halloween party), Foo (current secret crush), Big (Think Sex in the City)...

Back to Halloween Boy... We've known each other for years, met through mutual friends yet one of us was always involved when the other was free... FINALLY, both available and he asks me out. Great date, laughed almost the entire time except for this one thing that still gets me to this day... Halloween boy asks me, during dinner at a fabulous Argentine restaurant, if I was waiting for (he used real first name, I'm using nickname) "Big" to walk in the door? My heart stopped and I must have looked at him very confused, and asked, "I'm sorry what did you just say?" he repeated it two times and then made it look like he was talking about something completely different... I still find that strange...I took it as a sign of something, but not sure which way to go with that... Anyway, Halloween boy disappeared, and then reappeared the next month for another date, and then a 3rd date a month later, and was supposed to have a 4th date, but nope...

So Dear reader, This is why I'm not keen on dating... What ever happened to boy meets girl, boy likes girl, boy asks girl out and asks her out again? Yes, I'm slightly old-fashioned when it comes to this.
MORE important- Dear female readers... Please STOP telling guys that they are good at something if they are NOT... You are not only hurting yourself, but other women that might get broken ribs, or bad back-rubs, or heaven only knows what else. I'm very careful to say to people when they ask me, for example, If I can sing? I say I have been told I have a good range, or I've gotten compliments...

OK, I think that ends day #2