With only 3 days left, I want to let you know that even though I may talk about wanting boyfriends, or dating, I'm really at a place in my life that it is nice to think that someone is out there, but I'm more liking the IDEA of it all. My heart really isn't in it right now. Mostly because it's been treated poorly, and partially because it may already belong to someone.
What brought this on?
Today at work, sitting next to me for most of the afternoon for reasons that I can not go into at this time,was Big City Detective. BCD, kept saying a few things over and over. 1) He can get ANYONE to admit to things they were not planning on confessing to, and 2) back to the topic of getting me hooked up with one of his co-worker buddies, or possibly someone at my high school reunion. (To which I said ummm I don't think so)
He got me thinking about a few things:
1) I might not care about actually finding someone because I'm already seeing someone, and very few people know about it. In fact I'm not sure that we can actually "LABEL" anything at this point. The problem lies in that fact that I sometimes want more than this person can give, yet also want my freedom of being able to go out on dates if asked. Or my freedom of NOT being involved with anyone. I can just sit on my couch and chill if I want without someone taking the remote from me.
I know, How is that a problem? If I'm asked, I may not be giving that person my full attention, and that's not fair to them. I'm good with my situation because I know that I don't have any expectations of him. There are no promises for anything other than what it is at the time. Sure he makes me laugh, think, feel...and when he wants to, he can be amazing. He can also be a total idiot, and asshole. Sometimes he is everything I want and nothing I want at the same time. He is consistently inconsistent! I am always learning new things about him, both good and bad, which I enjoy.
My face lights up when he enters the room, and my heart stops and it's like there is nobody else around. A friend of mine coined the phrase "relax your face" because of this, to remind me to calm it down, and not look so noticeable. Other times I'm annoyed by the fact that he is breathing. I enjoy spending time with him doing nothing, or anything. I need to relax my face right now before I get any further ideas. See! He got me to confess it to anyone whom might read this and didn't know that something was possibly going on. Even though nothing is really going on. Darn you BCD!
2) He wants to fix me up with some guy that has the same name as my Father AND brother. I just don't think that I could EVER date someone with that name. I think that it should be a deal breaker, and BCD thought that was dumb. This guy is in the correct age range, never been married, currently single, and likes to have fun, also holds a pretty good job, plus working where I do part-time. Sounds good on paper...I just don't know if I can get over his name. Is that bad? I guess it kind of is. Anyway, BCD told me to walk into the office where he normally sits, carrying paperwork to make me look more official, or purposeful, and trip over him, or one of the other guys in the small room. Then one of them will help me up and notice me... I know, it sounds like some cheesy romcom, but I might try it tomorrow to see what happens.
After all, BCD is probably right about one thing that I ABHOR! You have to play the game to get noticed. And if I'm getting noticed by someone, maybe the unlabeled will either get it and let me go, or maybe he won't like it and ask me out for REALZ! Yeah, I'm just going to do what I want to do. If something happens, it happens, and if it doesn't, it doesn't. If I get desperate, I can always answer one of my stalkers. Right?
yeah, I didn't think that was funny either.
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