For about 6 months now, I've been "seeing" someone. I say that in quotes because, he doesn't want to be in a relationship, yet, we communicate daily via text, facebook, or in person... OK, the in person isn't daily, that would be too much!
I continue to date other people, and keep him in the loop about it, as to be honest with him so that he knows that I'm not waiting for him to make up his mind. Nothing to be made up anyway as he has always told me that he wants to be single.
Our last encounter has left me feeling differently, and I'm not sure exactly why.
We worked out together, as we have done before, but this time, as we got into the elevator, he looked at me, and unexpectedly kissed me.
It was unexpected because I had thought that I had put him safely in the "friend zone", and I was comfortable with that.
Earlier in the day, the newest boy that I had just barely started dating had given me the "let's be friends" email... I figured as much, but I was more disappointed in the delivery, and the fact that I wasn't looking for someone, he just showed up...
Either way, I again ran to my safe place, into his comforting arms. We worked out, and then grabbed food. We bickered back and forth like a couple does at times, and the man behind the counter asked if we drove in the same car, to which I replied, This is what love looks like, jokingly of course, and my fake boyfriend answered back with a she can take a punch, so I keep her around, and then pretended to punch me. We often banter about nothing. We sat and waited for our Thai food where he opened up to me more than he usually does, or maybe I was just asking the right questions?
At one point I was pushing my broccoli around my plate and he said, "You know he's out there, somewhere, and you're going to probably be at the grocery store wearing your pink fluffy slippers, not wearing make up and he's not going to care, he's going to want you anyway". I kept staring at my food, not looking at him, my eyes welling up and said, "I don't have pink fluffy slippers". He said, "Look at me", to which I shook my head no, and like in some movie, he reached for my chin to lift it toward his face, and he smiled at me...
We talked for a bit more, and he asked if I was going to finish eating anything, or if we could go. I drove him home, and went inside with him, mostly because I was too tired to continue to drive home, and figured that I would just pass out on his bed.
I grabbed his Teddy bear and hugged it in a fetal position, closing my eyes while he did whatever he was doing. He asked if I was going to take out my contacts, and of course, I followed him into the bathroom where we both took out our contacts gingerly, and went back into his room.
I made myself comfy again with Teddy, and assumed that he would just play some video game and let me sleep. Instead, he looked at me, bent over and kissed me, more passionately than in the elevator, and it was then that I decided that I wasn't as tired as I thought after all.
After, he started playing his video game, and usually, I would just go to sleep, but I watched him play for awhile and we talked until I got tired and went to sleep, until he woke me up wanting more of my attention.
I hate leaving in the morning from his place. I do like that when I'm quietly getting dressed that I get to watch him sleep. Mostly, he's peaceful, sometimes, he snores. But he looks so inviting in the dark with just cracks of light coming through his cardboard make shift light blocking shade. On this morning, I didn't want to disturb him by gently kissing his forehead as I usually do, so instead, I just looked at him, smiled, hoped that when I opened his door that his roommates would be gone, and that the noise of me opening the doors, wouldn't wake him.
I got this overwhelming feeling this time, almost like I'm in LOVE with him? When I looked at him the other morning, I heard myself telling him, I love you, luckily it was just in my head. It's not a preposterous idea completely, but it doesn't make any sense! Why would I have feelings like this for him when he's told me time and time again that he wants to be single. This is the reason that I keep dating other guys in the first place. Yet, I keep coming back to him, where I feel safe. And at this particular moment, I'm smiling... Because of him...
Friday, March 30, 2012
Monday, May 30, 2011
Finally over?
Dear readers,
Thank you for reading my blog for the last 30 days.
Looking back at my previous posts, I can safely say that I have enjoyed this challenge. The most read blog was the letter to Heinz. I've supposedly been read in United States 637 times, Singapore 9, Germany 8, Russia 2, Denmark 1, and once in India. That's pretty cool!
It seems that some blogs were read more than others. I think that the bible one probably didn't get viewed as much as I had hoped, you should give it a chance, it's not what you think!
I have written about different subjects or topics, and from my own experiences and thoughts. I understand that my grammar has not been the best, but I did warn you about that.
I have explored emotions that I might not have shared with my closest friends or family. I still have one that I may or may not decide to actually send to my parents, but I'm not sure if they could read my intentions as to why I would send them the one that I did not publish. In fact only ONE person has read that besides myself, and it may still stay that way.
I have been asked to continue writing my blog, and I may. I have received validation from some of you in the asking to keep it going. However, I have succeeded in my challenge to myself. This was really more about getting something done EVERYDAY. Each day I could not go to sleep until my blog was written. This may account for improper grammar as well as extreme diversion of thought. Even as I sit now, I fear that my synapses are not completing the journey from my brain to this "paper".
I have learned that I can be introspective without the need of a counselor to walk along my journey with me. I have also learned that my kitten is trying to get me to pay attention to him while I write because I've been gone for more hours than I have been home.
I think that my next challenge is to walk or bike to work,5 miles each way, more days than not. Or to at least be more active. Today, I have walked over 3 miles, not all together, but still. Maybe my challenge will be to keep challenging myself, and writing about it on here with updates?
I admit that I do enjoy writing now, more than I thought that I would. I think of topics and jot them down so that I can share them with you, and I might actually continue, but not daily. It's too much when I'm working. I do have most of the month of June off, so keep looking, and maybe you will see more. I am no longer afraid of writing.
Until then dear readers, Good night.
Thank you for reading my blog for the last 30 days.
Looking back at my previous posts, I can safely say that I have enjoyed this challenge. The most read blog was the letter to Heinz. I've supposedly been read in United States 637 times, Singapore 9, Germany 8, Russia 2, Denmark 1, and once in India. That's pretty cool!
It seems that some blogs were read more than others. I think that the bible one probably didn't get viewed as much as I had hoped, you should give it a chance, it's not what you think!
I have written about different subjects or topics, and from my own experiences and thoughts. I understand that my grammar has not been the best, but I did warn you about that.
I have explored emotions that I might not have shared with my closest friends or family. I still have one that I may or may not decide to actually send to my parents, but I'm not sure if they could read my intentions as to why I would send them the one that I did not publish. In fact only ONE person has read that besides myself, and it may still stay that way.
I have been asked to continue writing my blog, and I may. I have received validation from some of you in the asking to keep it going. However, I have succeeded in my challenge to myself. This was really more about getting something done EVERYDAY. Each day I could not go to sleep until my blog was written. This may account for improper grammar as well as extreme diversion of thought. Even as I sit now, I fear that my synapses are not completing the journey from my brain to this "paper".
I have learned that I can be introspective without the need of a counselor to walk along my journey with me. I have also learned that my kitten is trying to get me to pay attention to him while I write because I've been gone for more hours than I have been home.
I think that my next challenge is to walk or bike to work,5 miles each way, more days than not. Or to at least be more active. Today, I have walked over 3 miles, not all together, but still. Maybe my challenge will be to keep challenging myself, and writing about it on here with updates?
I admit that I do enjoy writing now, more than I thought that I would. I think of topics and jot them down so that I can share them with you, and I might actually continue, but not daily. It's too much when I'm working. I do have most of the month of June off, so keep looking, and maybe you will see more. I am no longer afraid of writing.
Until then dear readers, Good night.
Sunday, May 29, 2011
The leash
Years ago, I decided to buy my mother a cell phone so that we could find her when she travels. While she was traveling on two different occasions, she missed important information. I can't remember what they both were right now, but it was important enough that she should have been able to be reached at that time. She travels all over the world now, not just driving accross the country. She was hesitant about getting a cell phone because she said it would be like having a leash, that people would be able to reach her ANYTIME, ANYWHERE. Well mom, I told her, you always have the option of not answering it.
Recently, both my mother and myself have gotten the REAL leash, an iPhone. Sure, I can still decline to answer calls, if I ever receive any, but there are apps that actually let people know where you are at any time of the day or night. It has been confirmed that Apple gets data about where you are, and has not said what they are planning to do with that information.
Think about FOURSQUARE. It instantly sends a "ping", or message, to any of your friends to let them know that you have "checked in" somewhere. This could be a great tool for unexpected natural disasters, in trying to locate bodies, but it's also a stalker's wet dream. Sure you don't have to send people messages about where you are checking in, but I think that defeats the purpose.
Do I REALLY need to know where you are?
Do you really want to know that I'm NOT out somewhere? Or that we didn't invite each other to the place that we are individually?
I suppose it's about the same as looking at a facebook feed, of course you can "check in" on there as well.
So, as far as the stalking, or big brother abilities go, you really can still control who sees what, except for apple. But I'm sure that someone is creating an app for that.
I will say that this leash has come in very handy when searching for directions, or cheapest gas stations, but I am not liking the actual PHONE part yet. Maybe that's because I'm not using it often for that purpose? I'd tell you to call me, but I've lowered my minutes so that I could afford the data plan and slightly higher insurance. Afterall, I'm not walking around this big world without insurance on an expensive phone, I didn't walk around without insurance on my cheap ass phone!
At least now when I get lost, someone can find me, even if I don't want them to!
Recently, both my mother and myself have gotten the REAL leash, an iPhone. Sure, I can still decline to answer calls, if I ever receive any, but there are apps that actually let people know where you are at any time of the day or night. It has been confirmed that Apple gets data about where you are, and has not said what they are planning to do with that information.
Think about FOURSQUARE. It instantly sends a "ping", or message, to any of your friends to let them know that you have "checked in" somewhere. This could be a great tool for unexpected natural disasters, in trying to locate bodies, but it's also a stalker's wet dream. Sure you don't have to send people messages about where you are checking in, but I think that defeats the purpose.
Do I REALLY need to know where you are?
Do you really want to know that I'm NOT out somewhere? Or that we didn't invite each other to the place that we are individually?
I suppose it's about the same as looking at a facebook feed, of course you can "check in" on there as well.
So, as far as the stalking, or big brother abilities go, you really can still control who sees what, except for apple. But I'm sure that someone is creating an app for that.
I will say that this leash has come in very handy when searching for directions, or cheapest gas stations, but I am not liking the actual PHONE part yet. Maybe that's because I'm not using it often for that purpose? I'd tell you to call me, but I've lowered my minutes so that I could afford the data plan and slightly higher insurance. Afterall, I'm not walking around this big world without insurance on an expensive phone, I didn't walk around without insurance on my cheap ass phone!
At least now when I get lost, someone can find me, even if I don't want them to!
Saturday, May 28, 2011
Signs, signs everywhere signs...
Some people strongly believe in signs. Something happens and some think, it's a sign! It's supposed to go this way, or it's not supposed to go that way.
I wonder if there really are signs, or are we looking for more validation about the choice that we have made? If signs really are all around us, directing us onto a specific path, how do we know if that path is the way that would make a positive choice or a negative one?
Sometimes when I'm watching Improv shows, for example, one of the performers might say my first name. They don't even know me, or know that I am there. Is it some sort of sign that I am supposed to be listening? Am I supposed to be going down this Improv path? I take it as a YES! Sometimes, they say things that amazingly correlate to my current journey, and let me think about a different option. I LOVE Improv!
What about those times when you are thinking about someone and either they contact you, or a song comes on that connects you somehow? Should I make contact with that person? Does that mean that they are thinking about making contact with me? I don't know. But when I think about them, I send them a hug in my mind. Unless there is much hurt or pain, then I take a second to try to embrace that feeling, or figure out that feeling. I know that it sounds rather "New Age", but I do try to be as positive as I can be and send positivity out to others. Key word there is TRY!
I was recently having a conversation with a friend who is frustrated with their, let's say crush. Whenever my friend feels like giving up, the crush seems to respond more. I've had similar experiences. Is this some kind of test to see if you really are done or to show that you are not?
What about dreams? I mean the ones that seem to be as if you are awake, not some flying talking elephant that changes your diaper. I know, we've all had some doozies! I feel like it's a snippet of something to come, like I AM on the right path! Example of a dream- Now mind you this was a dream, so be aware...
I was walking to meet the sea plane at the end of the dock from my hut on this tropical island paradise (DREAM!), when my mother comes out of the plane carrying a baby girl (she was wrapped in a pink baby blanket). It was my niece, and my mother was taking her to meet me. As I go to take her from my mother's arms, ask her, so what did they ( my sister and then brother in law) finally decide to name her? My mother said this very strangely beautiful uncommon name. I didn't remember what the name was in the dream, but months later my beautiful niece was born, and her name is not one that is typical at all. And I did live out of town, even though I was there the night she was born and I woke my mother up to take me to see her when I came home from the bar at 2am. I was notified that my niece had arrived by my mother placing a pink piece of paper on the front door, visible from the street, about the same distance as the length of the dock!
I've had many dreams that have given me "clues" about life that happens later. I usually only remember small parts, and usually only when it's happening in real time, like dejavu. Are these signs? I think so.
What about "negative" signs? You know, those gut wrenching feelings when you KNOW something is going on? Like when I was living with a guy and I was sure that he was cheating on me, so I found out where she lived and not only, like a scared idiot, knocked on her door, but heard him pulling up his pants (he was one of those guys that wore the chain to his wallet, and since we lived together, I was very familiar with that sound). I guess looking back, it was a positive thing, because I'm obviously not still with him now.
Or like when my maternal grandfather AND my paternal grandmother were both in the hospital in the city where I'm from, and I KNEW that I would be going back that weekend for a funeral, I just was wrong about for which person.
Or the time I needed to call my mother, but I wasn't sure why? She told me that she wasn't going to tell me over the phone, but that she was having surgery the next day, only to find out later that she had breast cancer. But that turned into a positive as well, as she was able to go through an experience that led her to help others that were going through similar experiences later on.
Maybe there aren't negative signs? Maybe things really do happen for a reason, and at the time that they happen we think the worst, but later come to realize how it became a positive experience. Well, hopefully. I can't imagine that anyone who has been through the natural disasters recently might think that it's a positive thing yet, but I hope that in time, it will lead to positive things in their lives.
Be careful of reading too much into something though, because that can just drive you crazy. Take these signs gracefully. Hold them in your back pocket and think about what they might mean, and then let them go until such a time comes when you might need them again. But by then, the signs might change. And all of this can occur in the time that you wait for the light to turn green. A sure sign to move forward on your path.
I wonder if there really are signs, or are we looking for more validation about the choice that we have made? If signs really are all around us, directing us onto a specific path, how do we know if that path is the way that would make a positive choice or a negative one?
Sometimes when I'm watching Improv shows, for example, one of the performers might say my first name. They don't even know me, or know that I am there. Is it some sort of sign that I am supposed to be listening? Am I supposed to be going down this Improv path? I take it as a YES! Sometimes, they say things that amazingly correlate to my current journey, and let me think about a different option. I LOVE Improv!
What about those times when you are thinking about someone and either they contact you, or a song comes on that connects you somehow? Should I make contact with that person? Does that mean that they are thinking about making contact with me? I don't know. But when I think about them, I send them a hug in my mind. Unless there is much hurt or pain, then I take a second to try to embrace that feeling, or figure out that feeling. I know that it sounds rather "New Age", but I do try to be as positive as I can be and send positivity out to others. Key word there is TRY!
I was recently having a conversation with a friend who is frustrated with their, let's say crush. Whenever my friend feels like giving up, the crush seems to respond more. I've had similar experiences. Is this some kind of test to see if you really are done or to show that you are not?
What about dreams? I mean the ones that seem to be as if you are awake, not some flying talking elephant that changes your diaper. I know, we've all had some doozies! I feel like it's a snippet of something to come, like I AM on the right path! Example of a dream- Now mind you this was a dream, so be aware...
I was walking to meet the sea plane at the end of the dock from my hut on this tropical island paradise (DREAM!), when my mother comes out of the plane carrying a baby girl (she was wrapped in a pink baby blanket). It was my niece, and my mother was taking her to meet me. As I go to take her from my mother's arms, ask her, so what did they ( my sister and then brother in law) finally decide to name her? My mother said this very strangely beautiful uncommon name. I didn't remember what the name was in the dream, but months later my beautiful niece was born, and her name is not one that is typical at all. And I did live out of town, even though I was there the night she was born and I woke my mother up to take me to see her when I came home from the bar at 2am. I was notified that my niece had arrived by my mother placing a pink piece of paper on the front door, visible from the street, about the same distance as the length of the dock!
I've had many dreams that have given me "clues" about life that happens later. I usually only remember small parts, and usually only when it's happening in real time, like dejavu. Are these signs? I think so.
What about "negative" signs? You know, those gut wrenching feelings when you KNOW something is going on? Like when I was living with a guy and I was sure that he was cheating on me, so I found out where she lived and not only, like a scared idiot, knocked on her door, but heard him pulling up his pants (he was one of those guys that wore the chain to his wallet, and since we lived together, I was very familiar with that sound). I guess looking back, it was a positive thing, because I'm obviously not still with him now.
Or like when my maternal grandfather AND my paternal grandmother were both in the hospital in the city where I'm from, and I KNEW that I would be going back that weekend for a funeral, I just was wrong about for which person.
Or the time I needed to call my mother, but I wasn't sure why? She told me that she wasn't going to tell me over the phone, but that she was having surgery the next day, only to find out later that she had breast cancer. But that turned into a positive as well, as she was able to go through an experience that led her to help others that were going through similar experiences later on.
Maybe there aren't negative signs? Maybe things really do happen for a reason, and at the time that they happen we think the worst, but later come to realize how it became a positive experience. Well, hopefully. I can't imagine that anyone who has been through the natural disasters recently might think that it's a positive thing yet, but I hope that in time, it will lead to positive things in their lives.
Be careful of reading too much into something though, because that can just drive you crazy. Take these signs gracefully. Hold them in your back pocket and think about what they might mean, and then let them go until such a time comes when you might need them again. But by then, the signs might change. And all of this can occur in the time that you wait for the light to turn green. A sure sign to move forward on your path.
Friday, May 27, 2011
On my mind...
With only 3 days left, I want to let you know that even though I may talk about wanting boyfriends, or dating, I'm really at a place in my life that it is nice to think that someone is out there, but I'm more liking the IDEA of it all. My heart really isn't in it right now. Mostly because it's been treated poorly, and partially because it may already belong to someone.
What brought this on?
Today at work, sitting next to me for most of the afternoon for reasons that I can not go into at this time,was Big City Detective. BCD, kept saying a few things over and over. 1) He can get ANYONE to admit to things they were not planning on confessing to, and 2) back to the topic of getting me hooked up with one of his co-worker buddies, or possibly someone at my high school reunion. (To which I said ummm I don't think so)
He got me thinking about a few things:
1) I might not care about actually finding someone because I'm already seeing someone, and very few people know about it. In fact I'm not sure that we can actually "LABEL" anything at this point. The problem lies in that fact that I sometimes want more than this person can give, yet also want my freedom of being able to go out on dates if asked. Or my freedom of NOT being involved with anyone. I can just sit on my couch and chill if I want without someone taking the remote from me.
I know, How is that a problem? If I'm asked, I may not be giving that person my full attention, and that's not fair to them. I'm good with my situation because I know that I don't have any expectations of him. There are no promises for anything other than what it is at the time. Sure he makes me laugh, think, feel...and when he wants to, he can be amazing. He can also be a total idiot, and asshole. Sometimes he is everything I want and nothing I want at the same time. He is consistently inconsistent! I am always learning new things about him, both good and bad, which I enjoy.
My face lights up when he enters the room, and my heart stops and it's like there is nobody else around. A friend of mine coined the phrase "relax your face" because of this, to remind me to calm it down, and not look so noticeable. Other times I'm annoyed by the fact that he is breathing. I enjoy spending time with him doing nothing, or anything. I need to relax my face right now before I get any further ideas. See! He got me to confess it to anyone whom might read this and didn't know that something was possibly going on. Even though nothing is really going on. Darn you BCD!
2) He wants to fix me up with some guy that has the same name as my Father AND brother. I just don't think that I could EVER date someone with that name. I think that it should be a deal breaker, and BCD thought that was dumb. This guy is in the correct age range, never been married, currently single, and likes to have fun, also holds a pretty good job, plus working where I do part-time. Sounds good on paper...I just don't know if I can get over his name. Is that bad? I guess it kind of is. Anyway, BCD told me to walk into the office where he normally sits, carrying paperwork to make me look more official, or purposeful, and trip over him, or one of the other guys in the small room. Then one of them will help me up and notice me... I know, it sounds like some cheesy romcom, but I might try it tomorrow to see what happens.
After all, BCD is probably right about one thing that I ABHOR! You have to play the game to get noticed. And if I'm getting noticed by someone, maybe the unlabeled will either get it and let me go, or maybe he won't like it and ask me out for REALZ! Yeah, I'm just going to do what I want to do. If something happens, it happens, and if it doesn't, it doesn't. If I get desperate, I can always answer one of my stalkers. Right?
yeah, I didn't think that was funny either.
What brought this on?
Today at work, sitting next to me for most of the afternoon for reasons that I can not go into at this time,was Big City Detective. BCD, kept saying a few things over and over. 1) He can get ANYONE to admit to things they were not planning on confessing to, and 2) back to the topic of getting me hooked up with one of his co-worker buddies, or possibly someone at my high school reunion. (To which I said ummm I don't think so)
He got me thinking about a few things:
1) I might not care about actually finding someone because I'm already seeing someone, and very few people know about it. In fact I'm not sure that we can actually "LABEL" anything at this point. The problem lies in that fact that I sometimes want more than this person can give, yet also want my freedom of being able to go out on dates if asked. Or my freedom of NOT being involved with anyone. I can just sit on my couch and chill if I want without someone taking the remote from me.
I know, How is that a problem? If I'm asked, I may not be giving that person my full attention, and that's not fair to them. I'm good with my situation because I know that I don't have any expectations of him. There are no promises for anything other than what it is at the time. Sure he makes me laugh, think, feel...and when he wants to, he can be amazing. He can also be a total idiot, and asshole. Sometimes he is everything I want and nothing I want at the same time. He is consistently inconsistent! I am always learning new things about him, both good and bad, which I enjoy.
My face lights up when he enters the room, and my heart stops and it's like there is nobody else around. A friend of mine coined the phrase "relax your face" because of this, to remind me to calm it down, and not look so noticeable. Other times I'm annoyed by the fact that he is breathing. I enjoy spending time with him doing nothing, or anything. I need to relax my face right now before I get any further ideas. See! He got me to confess it to anyone whom might read this and didn't know that something was possibly going on. Even though nothing is really going on. Darn you BCD!
2) He wants to fix me up with some guy that has the same name as my Father AND brother. I just don't think that I could EVER date someone with that name. I think that it should be a deal breaker, and BCD thought that was dumb. This guy is in the correct age range, never been married, currently single, and likes to have fun, also holds a pretty good job, plus working where I do part-time. Sounds good on paper...I just don't know if I can get over his name. Is that bad? I guess it kind of is. Anyway, BCD told me to walk into the office where he normally sits, carrying paperwork to make me look more official, or purposeful, and trip over him, or one of the other guys in the small room. Then one of them will help me up and notice me... I know, it sounds like some cheesy romcom, but I might try it tomorrow to see what happens.
After all, BCD is probably right about one thing that I ABHOR! You have to play the game to get noticed. And if I'm getting noticed by someone, maybe the unlabeled will either get it and let me go, or maybe he won't like it and ask me out for REALZ! Yeah, I'm just going to do what I want to do. If something happens, it happens, and if it doesn't, it doesn't. If I get desperate, I can always answer one of my stalkers. Right?
yeah, I didn't think that was funny either.
Thursday, May 26, 2011
Lyrically entitled
So, I have often wondered at times while listening to the radio, what certain lyrics mean. I will admit that it wasn't until sometime in College that I understood the actual words, and why my mother was horrified to take her 7 and 4 year old daughters to see GREASE. I'm sure that it was even worse that I wanted to look like Sandy at the END of the movie. Smoking, with the heels, wearing black satin pants, a leather jacket, and big hoop earrings. I think this explains a lot about me now. This bundled in with when I was about 12 and thought that I was going to be a prostitute when I grew up just to piss off my ministerial parents. I don't think that I really knew what that meant, but I was determined. Well, as much as a 12 year old can be I suppose. Sometimes I tell my mom that the Theater close by is hiring again...It's a strip club. She doesn't find it amusing, but I laugh even harder at her bemusement.
I remember feeling very uncomfortable when my, then 6 or 7 yr old niece was singing "underneath it all" or was it "underneath your clothes"? Either way.
Now, listening to a 12 year old explain the lyrics of "S&M" I can only think, when is the kidzbop version coming out? And how will they clean that up?
But the best way to see what these "children", "tweens" etc. are asking is to ask them what it means...If they don't get it, then they hopefully won't until they are in college as well. Unless, of course, they just don't want you to think that they get it. I remember when I was younger pretending to know what things meant, but having no clue. Of course I couldn't ask anyone since I had just said that I knew what they were talking about. FOR EXAMPLE, I was maybe 9, or 10? and I was sitting around with the "older" kids and my b.f.f. (A.C.E.), when someone told me that I was a virgin. I immediately said, no, I'm not! And was teased because everyone knew that I didn't know what they were talking about. I'm not a good liar, still to this day.
Ignorance really can be bliss.
I feel like we should applaud people who write lyrics that are actually radio friendly, yet at the same time, I don't like it when I actually know the lyrics and they alter them for the radio. You can't have it both ways I guess.
Truth be told, I don't like listening to certain songs with my mother either. So the songs need to be both Mother and Children friendly... I guess that's why I just sing showtunes from The Sound of Music, or Annie, or Disney Films. Although, some Disney films are not very family friendly, and definitely not usually female friendly. Back to my point.
What ever happened to those songs in a simpler time? Before we sang about sex, drugs, and gangs. Sure there were songs about these things, but done in a way that they were beating around the bush, so to speak. I mean, do kids even know songs like "Tie a yellow ribbon around the old oak tree", or patriotic songs like "She's a grand old Flag"? Let's start bringing great-grandma's music back and see if it's relevant today! I bet you may be surprised and shocked at some of those racy lyrics! How scandalous some of the folk songs must have been at that time. Of course I'd love to give you an example, however, I can't seem to think of nary a one! But what great sketch or stand-up material for me to revisit! Of course I might need a refresher in 1930's and 1940's popular music. Most of what I think of is Jazz, which could be racy indeed. So racy that people of different races couldn't even listen to music in the same rooms! Glad we aren't like that anymore!
I remember feeling very uncomfortable when my, then 6 or 7 yr old niece was singing "underneath it all" or was it "underneath your clothes"? Either way.
Now, listening to a 12 year old explain the lyrics of "S&M" I can only think, when is the kidzbop version coming out? And how will they clean that up?
But the best way to see what these "children", "tweens" etc. are asking is to ask them what it means...If they don't get it, then they hopefully won't until they are in college as well. Unless, of course, they just don't want you to think that they get it. I remember when I was younger pretending to know what things meant, but having no clue. Of course I couldn't ask anyone since I had just said that I knew what they were talking about. FOR EXAMPLE, I was maybe 9, or 10? and I was sitting around with the "older" kids and my b.f.f. (A.C.E.), when someone told me that I was a virgin. I immediately said, no, I'm not! And was teased because everyone knew that I didn't know what they were talking about. I'm not a good liar, still to this day.
Ignorance really can be bliss.
I feel like we should applaud people who write lyrics that are actually radio friendly, yet at the same time, I don't like it when I actually know the lyrics and they alter them for the radio. You can't have it both ways I guess.
Truth be told, I don't like listening to certain songs with my mother either. So the songs need to be both Mother and Children friendly... I guess that's why I just sing showtunes from The Sound of Music, or Annie, or Disney Films. Although, some Disney films are not very family friendly, and definitely not usually female friendly. Back to my point.
What ever happened to those songs in a simpler time? Before we sang about sex, drugs, and gangs. Sure there were songs about these things, but done in a way that they were beating around the bush, so to speak. I mean, do kids even know songs like "Tie a yellow ribbon around the old oak tree", or patriotic songs like "She's a grand old Flag"? Let's start bringing great-grandma's music back and see if it's relevant today! I bet you may be surprised and shocked at some of those racy lyrics! How scandalous some of the folk songs must have been at that time. Of course I'd love to give you an example, however, I can't seem to think of nary a one! But what great sketch or stand-up material for me to revisit! Of course I might need a refresher in 1930's and 1940's popular music. Most of what I think of is Jazz, which could be racy indeed. So racy that people of different races couldn't even listen to music in the same rooms! Glad we aren't like that anymore!
Wednesday, May 25, 2011
Validation
This morning, I was running late to work. With the downpour of rain I decided to drive up next to the stairs of the one office that I need to get my paperwork from and then drive it to my office across the street and then I would go find a parking spot. But when I got to my desk, I glanced over quickly as I was running to put paperwork down, I noticed that there was something on my desk. I instantly knew what it was and screamed! FINALLY after two years, I have gotten a form of recognition, or validation, from the company by becoming an "ALL STAR". More importantly from the head of Human Resources. I recieved a bat with my name engraved on it, and an insulated bag with a few items in it. A clock, key ring/bottle opener, magnets, and a few other items. It was nice to feel validated. The items didn't really matter to me, except the bat with my name on it. It is the fact that I now know that SOMEONE appreciates that I go "above and beyond every day". This year I've taken on the task of keeping a "line" of people with a written account of who was there first, which makes it much easier for her to know who is next without someone just barging in.
Just a few moments ago, I was siting in front of the television for a moment. Oprah happened to be on. Her final show was taped last week, yet it was like she had read yesterday's blog and was speaking directly to me. I was wondering what to write about today as there are many things on my mind that I could write about, and with only 5 days left in my challenge to myself I wonder if I will get them in. I honestly try to write down topic ideas as soon as I think of them, and somehow, usually misplace them as I start to sit down to write.
After I heard her talk about validation, I knew what to write about.
It's true that we all want to feel validated. We want to know that we fit in somehow. That we are smart enough, or cool enough, or pretty enough, or funny...ENOUGH! I understand that it's nice to get recognized for our abilities, but stop searching for it, or living your life to suit what you think that others might cheer you on for. Validate yourself. Know that you are doing what you should be doing at the time. Maybe you didn't do everything that you could, but you did everything that you could at THAT time.
One of the BEST text messages that I ever got from a friend of mine whom I adore, said that "validation of reciprocity is a good thing." Sure, it is great to know that someone feels the same way that you do, especially in a romantic relationship. Things are not always as they seem, but when you finally are on the same page with someone, it makes all of the difference in the world.
So, if we are all searching for validation, from ourselves, our parents, friends and lovers, will we stop trying when we get it? Or will we rejoice and find a new thing to get validated for? I write this blog not really for you to read it and comment on it, but to be able to write for myself. Of course, when I hear that people ACTUALLY read it, I get excited, and at the same time nervously waiting to hear validation... I guess we can't get away from it can we? GO validate someone that might not be expecting it, in a way that you KNOW that they would appreciate it, and you will both feel validated.
Just a few moments ago, I was siting in front of the television for a moment. Oprah happened to be on. Her final show was taped last week, yet it was like she had read yesterday's blog and was speaking directly to me. I was wondering what to write about today as there are many things on my mind that I could write about, and with only 5 days left in my challenge to myself I wonder if I will get them in. I honestly try to write down topic ideas as soon as I think of them, and somehow, usually misplace them as I start to sit down to write.
After I heard her talk about validation, I knew what to write about.
It's true that we all want to feel validated. We want to know that we fit in somehow. That we are smart enough, or cool enough, or pretty enough, or funny...ENOUGH! I understand that it's nice to get recognized for our abilities, but stop searching for it, or living your life to suit what you think that others might cheer you on for. Validate yourself. Know that you are doing what you should be doing at the time. Maybe you didn't do everything that you could, but you did everything that you could at THAT time.
One of the BEST text messages that I ever got from a friend of mine whom I adore, said that "validation of reciprocity is a good thing." Sure, it is great to know that someone feels the same way that you do, especially in a romantic relationship. Things are not always as they seem, but when you finally are on the same page with someone, it makes all of the difference in the world.
So, if we are all searching for validation, from ourselves, our parents, friends and lovers, will we stop trying when we get it? Or will we rejoice and find a new thing to get validated for? I write this blog not really for you to read it and comment on it, but to be able to write for myself. Of course, when I hear that people ACTUALLY read it, I get excited, and at the same time nervously waiting to hear validation... I guess we can't get away from it can we? GO validate someone that might not be expecting it, in a way that you KNOW that they would appreciate it, and you will both feel validated.
Tuesday, May 24, 2011
Only 6 days left for me, only 1 day left for her...
Dear Oprah,
Tomorrow is your final show. I've watched you, albeit off and on, for as long as I can remember. Every time I've been unemployed, especially here in the city, I've thought that I should get tickets to see a show. I never did. I used to dream about being a guest on your show, probably to promote a show or movie that I was in.
I would like to thank you, as most of America and the world already has, for giving us coined terms that we use everyday. I'm talking about the "ah-ha moment" especially. I feel as though the older I get, the more I have those moments and relish them.
I really want to tell you that when you discussed waiting to hear about getting the part in The Color Purple and singing "I Surrender All", I can picture you throwing your hands up into the air in complete surrender. Anytime I feel that way, I remember your story and in my head, or sometimes aloud, I start singing it as well. Although my version sounds a little more like the doorbell from WKRP in Cincinnati.
You have also reminded me that EVERY single person has a story. To try to hear someone out, to figure out why they may do the things that they do, not to just look at someone and judge them as they are right now. Not that I am much of one who judges, but it's a good reminder that we are all humans sharing similar journeys and paths along the way.
There were so many times that I wanted to write you for help in figuring out what to do with my life. It seemed that those were the times that you had discussions that I needed to hear at that particular time.
While watching the last two days, tears have formed in my eyes. Not tears of sadness, but of joy in the amount of joy that you have given to others, and not expecting anything in return. When Jada Smith said to you, that maybe you have no children of your own, but that you have mothered millions, please believe that.
I do have a small bone to pick with you. During this economic downfall, you have picked now to stop your shows? What about all of the people that you employ? Are they moving on to OWN with you? Or will they make the unemployment #'s jump in the next month or so?
Thank you Oprah, for all of the tears that I've shed, all of the books that I wanted to but didn't really read, all of the pounds that we have lost and gained together, and all of the insight that you have given to me.
Take some time to enjoy the view... Oh wait, you might not like that show. How about, take some time to do whatever you want to do for yourself.
I hope that your last show is great!
Tomorrow is your final show. I've watched you, albeit off and on, for as long as I can remember. Every time I've been unemployed, especially here in the city, I've thought that I should get tickets to see a show. I never did. I used to dream about being a guest on your show, probably to promote a show or movie that I was in.
I would like to thank you, as most of America and the world already has, for giving us coined terms that we use everyday. I'm talking about the "ah-ha moment" especially. I feel as though the older I get, the more I have those moments and relish them.
I really want to tell you that when you discussed waiting to hear about getting the part in The Color Purple and singing "I Surrender All", I can picture you throwing your hands up into the air in complete surrender. Anytime I feel that way, I remember your story and in my head, or sometimes aloud, I start singing it as well. Although my version sounds a little more like the doorbell from WKRP in Cincinnati.
You have also reminded me that EVERY single person has a story. To try to hear someone out, to figure out why they may do the things that they do, not to just look at someone and judge them as they are right now. Not that I am much of one who judges, but it's a good reminder that we are all humans sharing similar journeys and paths along the way.
There were so many times that I wanted to write you for help in figuring out what to do with my life. It seemed that those were the times that you had discussions that I needed to hear at that particular time.
While watching the last two days, tears have formed in my eyes. Not tears of sadness, but of joy in the amount of joy that you have given to others, and not expecting anything in return. When Jada Smith said to you, that maybe you have no children of your own, but that you have mothered millions, please believe that.
I do have a small bone to pick with you. During this economic downfall, you have picked now to stop your shows? What about all of the people that you employ? Are they moving on to OWN with you? Or will they make the unemployment #'s jump in the next month or so?
Thank you Oprah, for all of the tears that I've shed, all of the books that I wanted to but didn't really read, all of the pounds that we have lost and gained together, and all of the insight that you have given to me.
Take some time to enjoy the view... Oh wait, you might not like that show. How about, take some time to do whatever you want to do for yourself.
I hope that your last show is great!
Monday, May 23, 2011
Today's blog is sponsored by the letters r and o and the number 9
Between my sisters and myself, we all own our residences to some extent, and I think that I can safely say, we all wish we rented at one time or another. Think about it, if you rent, the landlord has to fix and pay for broken pipes, leaks, etc. However, there are times that I miss having an actual single family home, instead of a condo.
I was recently shopping with some friends, well, more like browsing. And I saw adorable lawn furniture and remembered the joys of having a back yard and deck to decorate and relax in. I told my friends that I need a beach house. I'm thinking the Hamptons, maybe the Gulf Coast of Florida. I even said half sad, quarter jokingly, quarter seriously, if this means that I have to give up my dreams again? I quickly retorted that no, I just need to audition more and start making money!
Someday, I will either own a condo in an asssociation that functions, or better yet a year round beach house. I'm thinking cedar shake shingles that have turned gray from weathering over the years. It doesn't need to be huge, but room for family to visit, maybe a few friends too. If I have to choose between this beach house and a child, I'm thinking beach house. Sorry to any children of mine that years later might come across this. But now you understand why you have beachy names now doesn't it?
If Suzie Orman is telling people to rent instead of own now, I wonder what will happen in a few years when this economy gets better? If it does of course.
To rent, to own, to sleep perchance to dream?
I was recently shopping with some friends, well, more like browsing. And I saw adorable lawn furniture and remembered the joys of having a back yard and deck to decorate and relax in. I told my friends that I need a beach house. I'm thinking the Hamptons, maybe the Gulf Coast of Florida. I even said half sad, quarter jokingly, quarter seriously, if this means that I have to give up my dreams again? I quickly retorted that no, I just need to audition more and start making money!
Someday, I will either own a condo in an asssociation that functions, or better yet a year round beach house. I'm thinking cedar shake shingles that have turned gray from weathering over the years. It doesn't need to be huge, but room for family to visit, maybe a few friends too. If I have to choose between this beach house and a child, I'm thinking beach house. Sorry to any children of mine that years later might come across this. But now you understand why you have beachy names now doesn't it?
If Suzie Orman is telling people to rent instead of own now, I wonder what will happen in a few years when this economy gets better? If it does of course.
To rent, to own, to sleep perchance to dream?
Sunday, May 22, 2011
I need a beard! AKA Dear hot gay (or straight I guess) men friends,
OK, OK, first off, I'm not talking about facial hair!
And I don't think that I'm gay. Although I do admit to being a gay man trapped in this body...
I have, in the past pretended to be involved with gay men who were not yet out, so that those breeders who are ignorant about gayness, wouldn't freak out. Well, now I need help. I've stated that I'm not sure that I really want to be in a relationship, but there are times when a date would be nice to have on hand. For example, I am going to a wedding reception in a few weeks, and may have mentioned that I might be a "plus one" in my RSVP. Well, everyone got so excited, oooh who is he? And I said, I don't know yet.
Here's the deal. I'd like to have a friend join me who would have fun, be able to not be a wallflower, dance with me if there is dancing but I don't want him to get his hopes up thinking that it's a real "date". This is why I think that one of my hot gay friends would be a great choice. I used to have this guy friend who was so much fun. And then I got a boyfriend that apparently gave him a look as if to say to leave me alone. Then he had a girlfriend, you know the deal. Anyway he was fun to flirt with but I didn't take him seriously until one night when he drunkenly called me. Yeah, we don't talk anymore. Too bad, cause he was a great dancer, and easy on the eyes.
Today I may or may not have been hit on by a 68 year old man who may or may not be gay. He could work. He was making me try on 5" high heels and telling me that I should play up my height more. Maybe he was just trying to sell me some shoes though too... That is a story for a WHOLE different day.
Back to the topic at hand. I don't want to ask someone to go with me and lead them on. I've been lead on too many times, and it's just not nice. Plus he needs to be able to talk to people without me standing there the entire time. I'm a wanderer at a group event, I will flit and float to wherever I feel looks interesting and I don't expect him to follow me like a lost puppy dog. And I don't WANT him to do that either.
Maybe I could just call an escort service? Nahh, that might cost too much and be too obvious. So, expect a call from me if you are reasonably attractive, single and in a believable age range that I would date. Although I'm not sure what that range is anymore...
Who am I kidding, I'll go by myself, have a great time and not even worry about it. Just in case, keep an ear to the ground for me to call...
And I don't think that I'm gay. Although I do admit to being a gay man trapped in this body...
I have, in the past pretended to be involved with gay men who were not yet out, so that those breeders who are ignorant about gayness, wouldn't freak out. Well, now I need help. I've stated that I'm not sure that I really want to be in a relationship, but there are times when a date would be nice to have on hand. For example, I am going to a wedding reception in a few weeks, and may have mentioned that I might be a "plus one" in my RSVP. Well, everyone got so excited, oooh who is he? And I said, I don't know yet.
Here's the deal. I'd like to have a friend join me who would have fun, be able to not be a wallflower, dance with me if there is dancing but I don't want him to get his hopes up thinking that it's a real "date". This is why I think that one of my hot gay friends would be a great choice. I used to have this guy friend who was so much fun. And then I got a boyfriend that apparently gave him a look as if to say to leave me alone. Then he had a girlfriend, you know the deal. Anyway he was fun to flirt with but I didn't take him seriously until one night when he drunkenly called me. Yeah, we don't talk anymore. Too bad, cause he was a great dancer, and easy on the eyes.
Today I may or may not have been hit on by a 68 year old man who may or may not be gay. He could work. He was making me try on 5" high heels and telling me that I should play up my height more. Maybe he was just trying to sell me some shoes though too... That is a story for a WHOLE different day.
Back to the topic at hand. I don't want to ask someone to go with me and lead them on. I've been lead on too many times, and it's just not nice. Plus he needs to be able to talk to people without me standing there the entire time. I'm a wanderer at a group event, I will flit and float to wherever I feel looks interesting and I don't expect him to follow me like a lost puppy dog. And I don't WANT him to do that either.
Maybe I could just call an escort service? Nahh, that might cost too much and be too obvious. So, expect a call from me if you are reasonably attractive, single and in a believable age range that I would date. Although I'm not sure what that range is anymore...
Who am I kidding, I'll go by myself, have a great time and not even worry about it. Just in case, keep an ear to the ground for me to call...
Saturday, May 21, 2011
Ooooh that smell!
Have you ever noticed that new person smell is good, but old person smell is not?
Seriously! We sniff babies all the time, well maybe some of you don't, but they have this sweet, maple syrup smell to them. It's just too much to not sniff one. They could make candles or air freshener in newborn smell and people would buy it! Of course, there might be some confusion as to whether or not any babies were actually harmed in the process of making the new scent. But who in their right mind would but an air freshener that has old people smells? Unless it was old perfumes that are not currently in style. No one would buy "grandpa joe's 3rd day wearing the same outfit" eau de toilet. I think not!
Smells bring you to a special memory of a certain place in time. Some of my favorite smells from my childhood include- fresh cut grass, salt water, even dead low tide would make the cut, and that is not a pleasant smell, but it reminds me if coming home, or driving to the club. Another favorite was my grandfather's garage. Again, coming home.
I might be home more often if I could vet a new baby smelling candle. Or would I?
Yeah, maybe not.
Written on my iPhone again!
Seriously! We sniff babies all the time, well maybe some of you don't, but they have this sweet, maple syrup smell to them. It's just too much to not sniff one. They could make candles or air freshener in newborn smell and people would buy it! Of course, there might be some confusion as to whether or not any babies were actually harmed in the process of making the new scent. But who in their right mind would but an air freshener that has old people smells? Unless it was old perfumes that are not currently in style. No one would buy "grandpa joe's 3rd day wearing the same outfit" eau de toilet. I think not!
Smells bring you to a special memory of a certain place in time. Some of my favorite smells from my childhood include- fresh cut grass, salt water, even dead low tide would make the cut, and that is not a pleasant smell, but it reminds me if coming home, or driving to the club. Another favorite was my grandfather's garage. Again, coming home.
I might be home more often if I could vet a new baby smelling candle. Or would I?
Yeah, maybe not.
Written on my iPhone again!
Friday, May 20, 2011
Is technology taking jobs away?
Today I am writing on my iPhone. First of all to see if I can, and second to get more practice typing on this screen. Beware of spelling and grammatical errors especially today.
I went to the bank today to deposit my paycheck. Now that I have the iPhone, I might not ever need to go to a branch again. I can take pictures of my checks and deposit them through my phone. I also pay most of my bills online without ever writing a check. Although, this may be convenient, at what price does this cost? Let's look at this for a minute. If my bills go through electronically, that means there is no paper being mailed via the post office. Which means that our postal workers are being cut since they are carrying less mail. Which also means that those who stay have to pick up more slack and they have to change the routes. So now you have less employees making most likely the same wage yet doing more.
On the other hand, it's costing me more to have access to this new way of living. I'm mot making more money, yet I have to pay more for the conviences of technology. I switched plans to have less minutes to actually speak to people, but I can now check my 2 email accounts, Facebook, blog, etc. any time from one device.
I miss dealing with humans. I hate calling numbers just to vet a computer generated voice that does not understand what I am trying to ask. You want jobs? Go old school and start dealing with people in person.
I think that I might be out of room on my phone's screen. I think that you get the gist.
Task completed.
I went to the bank today to deposit my paycheck. Now that I have the iPhone, I might not ever need to go to a branch again. I can take pictures of my checks and deposit them through my phone. I also pay most of my bills online without ever writing a check. Although, this may be convenient, at what price does this cost? Let's look at this for a minute. If my bills go through electronically, that means there is no paper being mailed via the post office. Which means that our postal workers are being cut since they are carrying less mail. Which also means that those who stay have to pick up more slack and they have to change the routes. So now you have less employees making most likely the same wage yet doing more.
On the other hand, it's costing me more to have access to this new way of living. I'm mot making more money, yet I have to pay more for the conviences of technology. I switched plans to have less minutes to actually speak to people, but I can now check my 2 email accounts, Facebook, blog, etc. any time from one device.
I miss dealing with humans. I hate calling numbers just to vet a computer generated voice that does not understand what I am trying to ask. You want jobs? Go old school and start dealing with people in person.
I think that I might be out of room on my phone's screen. I think that you get the gist.
Task completed.
Thursday, May 19, 2011
Well, noted?
WOW!
For the first time ever in my life I was told that I need to have a lighter, more playful air AND that I do not exude a personality when I'm not in a scene. The good news is that I have the basics of improvisation down. I told you that I am often misunderstood. My trying to take something serious and being nervous has turned into "looking uncomfortable".
I can understand that I was nervous, and that these people have never met me, nor have I them. I can understand that when I'm watching other people do scenes in front of me, I'm in my head a little, wondering what they are doing, and listening. Especially when it comes to people that I've never watched, or played with before. And for those of you who don't know, sometimes watching people do scenes can be torture. Maybe that's what they saw? LOL
More playful? ME? OK. Sometimes I can hold back. I remember an audition I had YEARS ago for a television commercial. The line was "kinda tastes like chicken". They handed me a toasted coconut covered marshmallow as if I were on the line of the assembly plant making these nuggets. I had to bite into it and say the line. I wanted to start clucking like a chicken during my audition, and ran that by someone I trusted. They told me NOT to do that, that the casting company would not find it funny. I should have done it anyway because I didn't get the callback.
But MORE playful in life? PLEASE! This is the woman that just yesterday entertained children by clucking like a chicken. Sure at first they were confused, possibly even scared, but they did laugh eventually.
A friend of mine recently told me to act if it is the ONLY time that you will be on that stage... Of course this was after the audition that I got the above notes about. The audition that I wrote about the other day, I also did not get, however, the email was well written and very general, stating that we have your photo and resume on file, but that you weren't the specific that we were looking for. I'm not sure if I can ask for notes or not. It did remind me of a letter that companies used to send out when you didn't get the job. Nicely done. I want to thank them for that.
My question is this... How does one gain confidence on stage- i.e. not looking nervous or "uncomfortable" if one doesn't get stage time? It's like a catch 22. I've been taking classes at 2 different major theaters for 2 years. You have about 8 weeks to play with people while learning about yourself and how they play. A respected teacher of mine once told me, there are only so many classes that you can take before you just have to get out there and do it. I guess I just have to bite the bullet, invite some people to play with, find a coach, and just get started.
Oh, one more thing. I totally get that many theaters of Improv have classes at their theaters, and that is how they make their money. HOWEVER, in giving notes to someone, maybe you shouldn't make a sales pitch as the end of the letter (three whole paragraphs?). It seems kind of tacky. I'm not saying, I'm just saying.
I did write a thank you for giving me notes email and told them that I want to take the summer off from taking classes.
Funny thing is? I have another audition on Sunday, and I have NO CLUE what I'm doing yet. I guess I'm just going to go have fun and see what happens... I mean, It's not like rejection is an uncommon theme this month, might as well have a grand old time. Right?
For the first time ever in my life I was told that I need to have a lighter, more playful air AND that I do not exude a personality when I'm not in a scene. The good news is that I have the basics of improvisation down. I told you that I am often misunderstood. My trying to take something serious and being nervous has turned into "looking uncomfortable".
I can understand that I was nervous, and that these people have never met me, nor have I them. I can understand that when I'm watching other people do scenes in front of me, I'm in my head a little, wondering what they are doing, and listening. Especially when it comes to people that I've never watched, or played with before. And for those of you who don't know, sometimes watching people do scenes can be torture. Maybe that's what they saw? LOL
More playful? ME? OK. Sometimes I can hold back. I remember an audition I had YEARS ago for a television commercial. The line was "kinda tastes like chicken". They handed me a toasted coconut covered marshmallow as if I were on the line of the assembly plant making these nuggets. I had to bite into it and say the line. I wanted to start clucking like a chicken during my audition, and ran that by someone I trusted. They told me NOT to do that, that the casting company would not find it funny. I should have done it anyway because I didn't get the callback.
But MORE playful in life? PLEASE! This is the woman that just yesterday entertained children by clucking like a chicken. Sure at first they were confused, possibly even scared, but they did laugh eventually.
A friend of mine recently told me to act if it is the ONLY time that you will be on that stage... Of course this was after the audition that I got the above notes about. The audition that I wrote about the other day, I also did not get, however, the email was well written and very general, stating that we have your photo and resume on file, but that you weren't the specific that we were looking for. I'm not sure if I can ask for notes or not. It did remind me of a letter that companies used to send out when you didn't get the job. Nicely done. I want to thank them for that.
My question is this... How does one gain confidence on stage- i.e. not looking nervous or "uncomfortable" if one doesn't get stage time? It's like a catch 22. I've been taking classes at 2 different major theaters for 2 years. You have about 8 weeks to play with people while learning about yourself and how they play. A respected teacher of mine once told me, there are only so many classes that you can take before you just have to get out there and do it. I guess I just have to bite the bullet, invite some people to play with, find a coach, and just get started.
Oh, one more thing. I totally get that many theaters of Improv have classes at their theaters, and that is how they make their money. HOWEVER, in giving notes to someone, maybe you shouldn't make a sales pitch as the end of the letter (three whole paragraphs?). It seems kind of tacky. I'm not saying, I'm just saying.
I did write a thank you for giving me notes email and told them that I want to take the summer off from taking classes.
Funny thing is? I have another audition on Sunday, and I have NO CLUE what I'm doing yet. I guess I'm just going to go have fun and see what happens... I mean, It's not like rejection is an uncommon theme this month, might as well have a grand old time. Right?
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
Unscramble this!
So, now that I have a smart phone, I have started playing words with friends... I think that there are at least 15 games going on right now. I just counted- there are 16. there are 10 that are finished. I have won 2, but I got out of 2 before I started playing. I am not ready to play strangers yet. I also got out of a game by accident because I really didn't have a moment to play a word, so I lost.
Here is some of my history on playing scrabble-type games. My mother is the most intelligent person that I know. My step-mother is close behind. They play scrabble together. Sure it sounds weird to you, but they play well together. My mother plays scrabble so often that we get her the newest scrabble dictionary when they come out. (Guess what she's getting for the next holiday present?)
I would play with my mom and our family and friends sometimes while we were sitting on the porch of the yacht club before dinner. I didn't like playing with the "adults" because while I was using "CAT" Mom used "QAT". I still feel that way. However, now that I'm one of those "adults", I'm playing decently. Well, I'm getting higher scores that I used to for totals. I just won a game with a total of 301.
My sister is hounding me to play faster.
We used to joke about having EIEIO- no consonants, only vowels. One game I have the last letter of J. There is ONLY one 2 letter word with J. "jo", there is no open "o". I fear I'm screwed on that one, plus I'm playing my sister who is much like her mother and very intellectual. Both of my sisters are. I'm the fun one. LMAO!
I just won another game, final score 370 to 358. These alerts are going off every minute or so! What have I started??? I have games that I've been waiting 2 and 3 days for my opponent to take their turn.
I feel like I have the same words over and over. I used AXE in at least 2 games today, and QAT in almost 8. I have had 4 E's, 2 A's and an I in one game, and no vowels in another.
I'd ask you to look for me, but I'm not sure how many I can play at once! If my mother ever gets a smartphone... I know she will want to play, and then I'll be playing "DOG" and she will add MA in a triple word score and beat me while I took a moment to blink!
Here is some of my history on playing scrabble-type games. My mother is the most intelligent person that I know. My step-mother is close behind. They play scrabble together. Sure it sounds weird to you, but they play well together. My mother plays scrabble so often that we get her the newest scrabble dictionary when they come out. (Guess what she's getting for the next holiday present?)
I would play with my mom and our family and friends sometimes while we were sitting on the porch of the yacht club before dinner. I didn't like playing with the "adults" because while I was using "CAT" Mom used "QAT". I still feel that way. However, now that I'm one of those "adults", I'm playing decently. Well, I'm getting higher scores that I used to for totals. I just won a game with a total of 301.
My sister is hounding me to play faster.
We used to joke about having EIEIO- no consonants, only vowels. One game I have the last letter of J. There is ONLY one 2 letter word with J. "jo", there is no open "o". I fear I'm screwed on that one, plus I'm playing my sister who is much like her mother and very intellectual. Both of my sisters are. I'm the fun one. LMAO!
I just won another game, final score 370 to 358. These alerts are going off every minute or so! What have I started??? I have games that I've been waiting 2 and 3 days for my opponent to take their turn.
I feel like I have the same words over and over. I used AXE in at least 2 games today, and QAT in almost 8. I have had 4 E's, 2 A's and an I in one game, and no vowels in another.
I'd ask you to look for me, but I'm not sure how many I can play at once! If my mother ever gets a smartphone... I know she will want to play, and then I'll be playing "DOG" and she will add MA in a triple word score and beat me while I took a moment to blink!
Tuesday, May 17, 2011
Audition
The instructions were to have a comedic song prepared, anything, 4 minute time slot, as long as you had clearly marked sheet music. SHEET MUSIC? Who carries that anymore? Wait, I have sheet music somewhere right?
I wrote different lyrics to Ombra Mai Fu for tonight's audition. Not familiar with this song? I learned it in Class Voice in college. It was one of the only classes that I got an A in at Edinboro. The other was History of Modern Architecture. It's also pretty much the only sheet music that I have. Well, that book and the old maroon Presbyterian hymnal.
The aria was composed by Handel
Ombra mai fu
di vegetabile,
cara ed amabile,
soave più.
Translation from Italian;
A shade there never was,
of any plant,
dearer and more lovely,
or more sweet.
I practiced while listening to either Dmitri Hvorostovsky or Cecilia Bartoli via YouTube, as I can not read music, nor do I have a piano or Keyboard. OK, I can read music, but very slowly. I'm much better by ear.
My lyrics, I wrote at work one day... Hey, sometimes you just have to write when it hits you!
I carefully made the lyrics as close to the corresponding syllables, and about an hour or so before my audition, I changed it again.
My lyrics that I actually sang:
Osama's fools
72 virgins they'd get
if they just fly these jets
such stupid fools
oh, life is cruel
so many virgin lies
but now that you have died
there's none for you
No virgins will you get
not one for you
They shot you in the eye
now you won't see paradise
What will you do?
No virgins for you
http://youtu.be/MugXdU-h6UU (Cecilia's version)
I thought it would be funny as if it were an angel singing to those trying to get into paradise...
Anyway I tested out the lyrics to a few people and got enough positive reviews that I decided to stick with it. After all, it was for an established show with a cast that wrote their own songs, so I figured that it would be good if I wrote my own words. Thank you to Handel and Cecilia. It's fun to sing those high notes with you, even though I'm singing different words.
I did get a few smiles from the auditioning 3, and they seemed to be genuine smiles, not those, wow, poor girl bless her heart smiles. So we shall see. Either way. I'm proud of myself for singing an aria for an audition with lyrics that are current. Who knows, maybe I will have a future in song parodies...
I wrote different lyrics to Ombra Mai Fu for tonight's audition. Not familiar with this song? I learned it in Class Voice in college. It was one of the only classes that I got an A in at Edinboro. The other was History of Modern Architecture. It's also pretty much the only sheet music that I have. Well, that book and the old maroon Presbyterian hymnal.
The aria was composed by Handel
Ombra mai fu
di vegetabile,
cara ed amabile,
soave più.
Translation from Italian;
A shade there never was,
of any plant,
dearer and more lovely,
or more sweet.
I practiced while listening to either Dmitri Hvorostovsky or Cecilia Bartoli via YouTube, as I can not read music, nor do I have a piano or Keyboard. OK, I can read music, but very slowly. I'm much better by ear.
My lyrics, I wrote at work one day... Hey, sometimes you just have to write when it hits you!
I carefully made the lyrics as close to the corresponding syllables, and about an hour or so before my audition, I changed it again.
My lyrics that I actually sang:
Osama's fools
72 virgins they'd get
if they just fly these jets
such stupid fools
oh, life is cruel
so many virgin lies
but now that you have died
there's none for you
No virgins will you get
not one for you
They shot you in the eye
now you won't see paradise
What will you do?
No virgins for you
http://youtu.be/MugXdU-h6UU (Cecilia's version)
I thought it would be funny as if it were an angel singing to those trying to get into paradise...
Anyway I tested out the lyrics to a few people and got enough positive reviews that I decided to stick with it. After all, it was for an established show with a cast that wrote their own songs, so I figured that it would be good if I wrote my own words. Thank you to Handel and Cecilia. It's fun to sing those high notes with you, even though I'm singing different words.
I did get a few smiles from the auditioning 3, and they seemed to be genuine smiles, not those, wow, poor girl bless her heart smiles. So we shall see. Either way. I'm proud of myself for singing an aria for an audition with lyrics that are current. Who knows, maybe I will have a future in song parodies...
Monday, May 16, 2011
♪ Make new friends but keep the old ♫
There are a lot of celebrations this year. Well, I should sat there are many important mile markers this year. And I'm not afraid to tell you what they are.
1) 20 years ago this month I graduated from High School(Yes, in MAY). This means that I am 17 with 20 years of experience. I'm not afraid of my age. I will say that I did have a panic attack for at least 6 months prior to turning 35, but I'm told that I don't look 37. I think that people are either WONDERFUL liars, or 37 doesn't look old anymore. ANYWAY, There is going to be a reunion in August. I'm not sure if I can attend yet or not since I will be taking the weekend before off from work to attend my Family reunion on Long Island. No offense to those of you that I know from the 5 years that I schooled with you, but family is more important. I mean, if it wasn't for facebook, would we really be in touch? Did you invite me to parties in high school? That's a big NO. I remember my sister having a party at our house (sorry Mom) where some of you showed up and were RUDE to me in my own home. I actually went up to my room and waited for you to leave. I never felt that welcomed by most of you, although we aren't friends on facebook now, so whatever. There are a few of you that I have missed over the years and try my best to keep in touch now. Some of you I can't find but know that I will find you some day. Wasn't a secret nickname of mine "follow" in h.s.? To those that I would like to see, I will let you know when I will be in town, if you live in the area, let's meet up. If I don't have to work that weekend, maybe I'll drive 8+ hours to check it out. If you live in an exotic location, I would love to come and visit you there! Or come to Chicago! And if we didn't really know each other then, I'm open to getting to know you now, I mean we were just kids then, and I guess people thought that I was a goodie-goodie. Well, I kinda was...
2) 20 years ago this fall I left home and went to college at Edinboro. That means that I've known some of you for 20 years. Where has the time gone? It seems like yesterday that I was walking from Shafer Hall (no longer in existence) to John's or Perkins for a cup of coffee with friends, shooting darts or pool at either the Hotel or the Boro. Some of my favorite acting performances were there, on and off stage. I got my first hickey there as well as my first black eye. There were other firsts there too, but those aren't open for discussion, unless you were involved. Shit, I guess I have to go to Homecoming this year... That's another effing trip back east...
3) 30 years ago, I was forced against my will to leave my home, friends and family on Long Island to move to the "cemetary", as I called it, in of all places Pittsburgh. The best part of that? A.C.E. and her family. And yes, Dave, I remember Kahlua summer as a fun one. The worst part? My family splitting apart and gaining a little sister whom I didn't like until she was 21. Not that I gave her much of a chance, but we are good now, so that's good. Another bad part? Loosing my first bestest friend in the whole wide world, and somehow losing touch over the years until facebook. I'm really excited to see that she's married and expecting her first child this fall. CONGRATS!
Hopefully there will be a "sisters celebration of 30 years" in York if not Pgh., Kennywood is a possiblilty, but A.C.E., the ZOO is a definite, since we spent much time there together! Maybe we should watch Cannonball Run or E.T. too? LMAO!
4) 25 years ago we moved to Greensburg. Best part about that? There are a few peeps that I still speak to, "Dave Gretsky" has been around the longest of them all I think. We were in each others weddings...
Over the past 30 years I have had some AMAZING people in my life. Some of them have stuck around through stormy times. I know there seem to be many of those, but I think it's smooth sailing for a little while right now. I've built up walls and torn them down, and built them up again. It's funny how I am beginning to tear them down again, not as fast, but at a pace that I can handle.This one has a foundation that goes deeper than I thought. I just heard Ronald Reagan saying. "TEAR DOWN THAT WALL NOSLARC!" I'm becoming more open to being vulnerable, talking about things openly. I always thought that I was an open book. I am realizing that I have my moments of quiet solitude and reflection. I enjoy those moments as much as I enjoy clucking like a chicken on the el to make myself or friends laugh. I do a really good chicken impersonation. ( D.O.G. C.A.T. C.T.A. BLUELINE!)
In the past year there has been a lot of changes in my world. I didn't see some of them coming, and as much pain as they have caused, I suppose without them I couldn't learn to grow. I've shared so much with people that I don't know very well, with responses that I wasn't expecting. All of the responses have been positive and have given me insight into areas that I need to work on. I am finally, albeit slowly, pursuing what it is that I want to do. This takes more courage then I thought that I had, to face some fears, acknowledge some ghosts and hopefully continue forward. I'm not good with trusting people, especially as of late, but I am finding that people show up when you need them, and I am very grateful for the possibility of a new friendship that I hope continues to blossom. It's funny how people inspire you, and when you tell them, they tell you that you inspire them.
"They" say people don't change, but I am proof that they do. I mean, come on, did you ever really think that I was going to quit smoking? Or be that ex-smoker who thinks that the smell makes me want to vomit? If any of you still smoke, please have one for me right now, just not a menthol. My dad always said that you have to be sick to smoke those...
If you are upset that you didn't get a special shout out, at least you are reading this, which means that we are still in some form of communication and I am grateful for that. And like Marines... Once a New Yorker, ALWAYS a New Yorker...
1) 20 years ago this month I graduated from High School(Yes, in MAY). This means that I am 17 with 20 years of experience. I'm not afraid of my age. I will say that I did have a panic attack for at least 6 months prior to turning 35, but I'm told that I don't look 37. I think that people are either WONDERFUL liars, or 37 doesn't look old anymore. ANYWAY, There is going to be a reunion in August. I'm not sure if I can attend yet or not since I will be taking the weekend before off from work to attend my Family reunion on Long Island. No offense to those of you that I know from the 5 years that I schooled with you, but family is more important. I mean, if it wasn't for facebook, would we really be in touch? Did you invite me to parties in high school? That's a big NO. I remember my sister having a party at our house (sorry Mom) where some of you showed up and were RUDE to me in my own home. I actually went up to my room and waited for you to leave. I never felt that welcomed by most of you, although we aren't friends on facebook now, so whatever. There are a few of you that I have missed over the years and try my best to keep in touch now. Some of you I can't find but know that I will find you some day. Wasn't a secret nickname of mine "follow" in h.s.? To those that I would like to see, I will let you know when I will be in town, if you live in the area, let's meet up. If I don't have to work that weekend, maybe I'll drive 8+ hours to check it out. If you live in an exotic location, I would love to come and visit you there! Or come to Chicago! And if we didn't really know each other then, I'm open to getting to know you now, I mean we were just kids then, and I guess people thought that I was a goodie-goodie. Well, I kinda was...
2) 20 years ago this fall I left home and went to college at Edinboro. That means that I've known some of you for 20 years. Where has the time gone? It seems like yesterday that I was walking from Shafer Hall (no longer in existence) to John's or Perkins for a cup of coffee with friends, shooting darts or pool at either the Hotel or the Boro. Some of my favorite acting performances were there, on and off stage. I got my first hickey there as well as my first black eye. There were other firsts there too, but those aren't open for discussion, unless you were involved. Shit, I guess I have to go to Homecoming this year... That's another effing trip back east...
3) 30 years ago, I was forced against my will to leave my home, friends and family on Long Island to move to the "cemetary", as I called it, in of all places Pittsburgh. The best part of that? A.C.E. and her family. And yes, Dave, I remember Kahlua summer as a fun one. The worst part? My family splitting apart and gaining a little sister whom I didn't like until she was 21. Not that I gave her much of a chance, but we are good now, so that's good. Another bad part? Loosing my first bestest friend in the whole wide world, and somehow losing touch over the years until facebook. I'm really excited to see that she's married and expecting her first child this fall. CONGRATS!
Hopefully there will be a "sisters celebration of 30 years" in York if not Pgh., Kennywood is a possiblilty, but A.C.E., the ZOO is a definite, since we spent much time there together! Maybe we should watch Cannonball Run or E.T. too? LMAO!
4) 25 years ago we moved to Greensburg. Best part about that? There are a few peeps that I still speak to, "Dave Gretsky" has been around the longest of them all I think. We were in each others weddings...
Over the past 30 years I have had some AMAZING people in my life. Some of them have stuck around through stormy times. I know there seem to be many of those, but I think it's smooth sailing for a little while right now. I've built up walls and torn them down, and built them up again. It's funny how I am beginning to tear them down again, not as fast, but at a pace that I can handle.This one has a foundation that goes deeper than I thought. I just heard Ronald Reagan saying. "TEAR DOWN THAT WALL NOSLARC!" I'm becoming more open to being vulnerable, talking about things openly. I always thought that I was an open book. I am realizing that I have my moments of quiet solitude and reflection. I enjoy those moments as much as I enjoy clucking like a chicken on the el to make myself or friends laugh. I do a really good chicken impersonation. ( D.O.G. C.A.T. C.T.A. BLUELINE!)
In the past year there has been a lot of changes in my world. I didn't see some of them coming, and as much pain as they have caused, I suppose without them I couldn't learn to grow. I've shared so much with people that I don't know very well, with responses that I wasn't expecting. All of the responses have been positive and have given me insight into areas that I need to work on. I am finally, albeit slowly, pursuing what it is that I want to do. This takes more courage then I thought that I had, to face some fears, acknowledge some ghosts and hopefully continue forward. I'm not good with trusting people, especially as of late, but I am finding that people show up when you need them, and I am very grateful for the possibility of a new friendship that I hope continues to blossom. It's funny how people inspire you, and when you tell them, they tell you that you inspire them.
"They" say people don't change, but I am proof that they do. I mean, come on, did you ever really think that I was going to quit smoking? Or be that ex-smoker who thinks that the smell makes me want to vomit? If any of you still smoke, please have one for me right now, just not a menthol. My dad always said that you have to be sick to smoke those...
If you are upset that you didn't get a special shout out, at least you are reading this, which means that we are still in some form of communication and I am grateful for that. And like Marines... Once a New Yorker, ALWAYS a New Yorker...
Sunday, May 15, 2011
Say what?
We teach people how to treat us the way that they do. Don't believe me? Think about it. DO you positively or negatively reward someone for their behavior?
Example #1... Booty calls... any time that you ALLOW someone to call you after let's be conservative and say 10 pm, they will only call you at those times, because you answer it. You set the trend. If he or she only texts you when they are drunk, or at late night hours, and you respond, you are allowing that to become a pattern. If you don't answer, they won't continue to do it. Try it some time.
Example #2... Bossman...You have a schedule, your time is precious or money, which ever way that you want to look at it. Your boss throws you a curve ball and says that they need you to do something on a day that you had not planned to work, had asked for it off, double checked, gotten it approved... The day before that day, they say that there is a meeting that you have to attend... DO you do it? I thought you said that your time was precious? Why are you letting your boss disrespect your time like that? Oh, the economy is bad and you don't want to rock the boat? I hear you, now grow a pair and do what you were taking the time off to do.
Example #3...friendship...Are you that friend that is so understanding that people seem to break plans with you because something just came up and they KNEW that you would understand? If you did that to them would they be understanding? No, they wouldn't. They would get mad at you because you didn't do what you said you would.
When you say that you are going to do something, do it. Now, I understand that things happen, and sometimes for a really good reason. I swear for the last few days all I wanted to do was come home and chill and then clean my house...But something seems to happen where I CHOOSE to do that instead of staying home and cleaning my rugs, vacuuming, cleaning the bathroom...etc... But I don't care if my house is immaculate. Not many people even know where I live, so I'm not expecting company anyway... My point is that if you allow behavior to continue, it will. If you allow that guy to ignore you then show up when he feels like it, it will continue to happen, because you have let it continue to happen. Treat people the way that you want to be treated, and you will see things change. And some day I will be home long enough to clean, and invite you over so that you can see my clean apartment... yeah, we all have dreams don't we?
Example #1... Booty calls... any time that you ALLOW someone to call you after let's be conservative and say 10 pm, they will only call you at those times, because you answer it. You set the trend. If he or she only texts you when they are drunk, or at late night hours, and you respond, you are allowing that to become a pattern. If you don't answer, they won't continue to do it. Try it some time.
Example #2... Bossman...You have a schedule, your time is precious or money, which ever way that you want to look at it. Your boss throws you a curve ball and says that they need you to do something on a day that you had not planned to work, had asked for it off, double checked, gotten it approved... The day before that day, they say that there is a meeting that you have to attend... DO you do it? I thought you said that your time was precious? Why are you letting your boss disrespect your time like that? Oh, the economy is bad and you don't want to rock the boat? I hear you, now grow a pair and do what you were taking the time off to do.
Example #3...friendship...Are you that friend that is so understanding that people seem to break plans with you because something just came up and they KNEW that you would understand? If you did that to them would they be understanding? No, they wouldn't. They would get mad at you because you didn't do what you said you would.
When you say that you are going to do something, do it. Now, I understand that things happen, and sometimes for a really good reason. I swear for the last few days all I wanted to do was come home and chill and then clean my house...But something seems to happen where I CHOOSE to do that instead of staying home and cleaning my rugs, vacuuming, cleaning the bathroom...etc... But I don't care if my house is immaculate. Not many people even know where I live, so I'm not expecting company anyway... My point is that if you allow behavior to continue, it will. If you allow that guy to ignore you then show up when he feels like it, it will continue to happen, because you have let it continue to happen. Treat people the way that you want to be treated, and you will see things change. And some day I will be home long enough to clean, and invite you over so that you can see my clean apartment... yeah, we all have dreams don't we?
Saturday, May 14, 2011
Musically inclined
Did you ever wonder why you listen to the music that you do? How a certain song can bring you back to an exact moment in your life? Can you hear a song from beginning to end in your head as if it were being played on a CD (or record, or dare I say cassette tape or 8-track)?
I was thinking recently after a conversation with one of my male friends about music, how did I find out about different groups? Let's take a looksie...
I grew up listening to the radio. This was AMJAMS people. There was country, disco, rock and roll, OLDIES (you know stuff MY parents grew up with), and at my grandparents house there was Gospel.
I used to dance in my living room to 8 tracks of "oldies" music. I had a dance routine that I made up for each song, and it usually had to do with this old oriental rug that we had at the time. It was probably a 4'x5' rectangle. I remember it was light blue and I would "Stroll" along the edges...
Billy Joel has been and will ALWAYS be my favorite. I remember listening to records with the next door neighbor DIANE (who I guess I wanted to be called Diane after, but don't call me that now if you want to live).
As I got older, we would listen to American Top 40 on the way to and from church. I used to get "Song Lyrics" magazine and learn to sing along with all of the songs.
I always listened to country too, even though it wasn't "cool". But Barbara Mandrell understood that I was country when country wasn't cool. I loved variety shows, especially Donny and Marie, and any Osmond family show. Let's not get into tv right now...
I always listened to the radio. Mostly top 40 because that's what I was familiar with. My sister introduced me to Depeche Mode and Violent Femmes. I still have the tape that has The Alarm on the one side, but I don't think that I ever listened to it.
High school~ I had a best guy friend in a band, SUB-ZERO, I don't want to insult them but I can't remember if they were supposed to be speed or death metal? Anyway, I'd be the girl in the pink outfit while everyone else wore black. But I LOVED my Anthrax "Among the Living" tape.
In college, I was introduced to NIN and Sisters of Mercy by my first roommate... Still listened to top 40, and country( hello Shania Twain!) mixed in with a little techno and some hip-hop. Don't forget my former fellow choir member's band- Rusted Root...
My first memory of listening to Sublime was when Ja (former boyfriend's brother) was driving me somewhere around Cleveland. Oh how I LOVED being introduced to what I was told was SKA.
Thank you Mighty Mighty Boss tones...
After 9/11 I ONLY listened to country. for awhile. At least a year.
Well, whatever boy I liked at the time was how I learned about music... Of course, my female friends played a BIG part as well... I might not have ever learned about Wolfsheim, or Sophie Ellis Baxter, learned how to HEAD BANG correctly to the Smithereens, or there's this one girl who introduced me to a local Chicago band that I can't say enough about...
Don't get me started on Vivian Green's " love story" or Norah Jones...
Nowadays? I'm still listening to all of that... less on country now. My favorite cd's that are on repeat in my car... Adele "21" (best new female cd since either Norah Jones or Vivian Green), Abba "Gold", and of course Otter Petter "Nice night for a knife fight"...
But I've always wondered how people found this other music. Who decides what band is the hip, underground, cool new thing? Maybe I'll never know, or maybe I'll be apart of the next big thing... I am in a band you know... LMAO!
I was thinking recently after a conversation with one of my male friends about music, how did I find out about different groups? Let's take a looksie...
I grew up listening to the radio. This was AMJAMS people. There was country, disco, rock and roll, OLDIES (you know stuff MY parents grew up with), and at my grandparents house there was Gospel.
I used to dance in my living room to 8 tracks of "oldies" music. I had a dance routine that I made up for each song, and it usually had to do with this old oriental rug that we had at the time. It was probably a 4'x5' rectangle. I remember it was light blue and I would "Stroll" along the edges...
Billy Joel has been and will ALWAYS be my favorite. I remember listening to records with the next door neighbor DIANE (who I guess I wanted to be called Diane after, but don't call me that now if you want to live).
As I got older, we would listen to American Top 40 on the way to and from church. I used to get "Song Lyrics" magazine and learn to sing along with all of the songs.
I always listened to country too, even though it wasn't "cool". But Barbara Mandrell understood that I was country when country wasn't cool. I loved variety shows, especially Donny and Marie, and any Osmond family show. Let's not get into tv right now...
I always listened to the radio. Mostly top 40 because that's what I was familiar with. My sister introduced me to Depeche Mode and Violent Femmes. I still have the tape that has The Alarm on the one side, but I don't think that I ever listened to it.
High school~ I had a best guy friend in a band, SUB-ZERO, I don't want to insult them but I can't remember if they were supposed to be speed or death metal? Anyway, I'd be the girl in the pink outfit while everyone else wore black. But I LOVED my Anthrax "Among the Living" tape.
In college, I was introduced to NIN and Sisters of Mercy by my first roommate... Still listened to top 40, and country( hello Shania Twain!) mixed in with a little techno and some hip-hop. Don't forget my former fellow choir member's band- Rusted Root...
My first memory of listening to Sublime was when Ja (former boyfriend's brother) was driving me somewhere around Cleveland. Oh how I LOVED being introduced to what I was told was SKA.
Thank you Mighty Mighty Boss tones...
After 9/11 I ONLY listened to country. for awhile. At least a year.
Well, whatever boy I liked at the time was how I learned about music... Of course, my female friends played a BIG part as well... I might not have ever learned about Wolfsheim, or Sophie Ellis Baxter, learned how to HEAD BANG correctly to the Smithereens, or there's this one girl who introduced me to a local Chicago band that I can't say enough about...
Don't get me started on Vivian Green's " love story" or Norah Jones...
Nowadays? I'm still listening to all of that... less on country now. My favorite cd's that are on repeat in my car... Adele "21" (best new female cd since either Norah Jones or Vivian Green), Abba "Gold", and of course Otter Petter "Nice night for a knife fight"...
But I've always wondered how people found this other music. Who decides what band is the hip, underground, cool new thing? Maybe I'll never know, or maybe I'll be apart of the next big thing... I am in a band you know... LMAO!
Friday, May 13, 2011
Rejection
I'm an actress. When I tried this the first go around, I did not have a huge feeling of support from the person who was supposed to be the most supportive in my life at that time. I gave in to the whole, get a real job thing and let someone crush my dreams. It was easy to let that happen at times when I was told that I was:
too fat, not fat enough, too female, not feminine enough, too tall, too short, too white, too old, too young, too serious, not serious enough...
With all of that I still wanted to act. I went to New York City with a grassroots dramatics festival and won an "Excellence in Acting" award for my part as "Eve" in The serpent. Sure I was in two other plays for that same festival, but I spent the most time on Eve. I was told by my teacher at the time that I was a "character actress", which to me meant that I wasn't a pretty actress. Now, that's how I took it, but that's not necessarily how it was meant. I am great with characters, yet in the past year plus in Improv, I have done myself a disservice and not done some of my favorite characters on stage.
The remedy to this is to get more stage time. How do I do that? Well, by auditioning. Or taking more classes. *sigh* Ever feel like there are only so many classes that you can take before you just need to start putting into practice what you have been learning?
I just got another rejection from an audition, frustrating? yes. However, I've already learned that before you audition for something, maybe you should check out what it is that they are looking for. DUH right?
I was just watching a movie with some friends and part of what they talked about in this movie was the fact that you at least TRY to do what YOU want to be doing. TO make a choice. Sometimes, and eventually you will make a choice that will get you to where or what you want to be doing. Other times, you will be rejected. With that rejection, you have more choices- keep trying or give up. I'm going to choose to keep trying. Rejection is just part of figuring out what is a good fit for both parties at a particular time and place. I just haven't found the right place and time yet... I'll keep working on it because whether or not you think that my dreams may be LOFTY, they are my dreams, and I'm not going to let you take them away from me again. SO excuse me while I spend some time getting ready for my next audition... and then my next one, and so on, and so on...
too fat, not fat enough, too female, not feminine enough, too tall, too short, too white, too old, too young, too serious, not serious enough...
With all of that I still wanted to act. I went to New York City with a grassroots dramatics festival and won an "Excellence in Acting" award for my part as "Eve" in The serpent. Sure I was in two other plays for that same festival, but I spent the most time on Eve. I was told by my teacher at the time that I was a "character actress", which to me meant that I wasn't a pretty actress. Now, that's how I took it, but that's not necessarily how it was meant. I am great with characters, yet in the past year plus in Improv, I have done myself a disservice and not done some of my favorite characters on stage.
The remedy to this is to get more stage time. How do I do that? Well, by auditioning. Or taking more classes. *sigh* Ever feel like there are only so many classes that you can take before you just need to start putting into practice what you have been learning?
I just got another rejection from an audition, frustrating? yes. However, I've already learned that before you audition for something, maybe you should check out what it is that they are looking for. DUH right?
I was just watching a movie with some friends and part of what they talked about in this movie was the fact that you at least TRY to do what YOU want to be doing. TO make a choice. Sometimes, and eventually you will make a choice that will get you to where or what you want to be doing. Other times, you will be rejected. With that rejection, you have more choices- keep trying or give up. I'm going to choose to keep trying. Rejection is just part of figuring out what is a good fit for both parties at a particular time and place. I just haven't found the right place and time yet... I'll keep working on it because whether or not you think that my dreams may be LOFTY, they are my dreams, and I'm not going to let you take them away from me again. SO excuse me while I spend some time getting ready for my next audition... and then my next one, and so on, and so on...
I love when people throw Bible quotes around,so here's one I'm throwing out there
The Third letter of John 13-15:
I had much to write to you but I would rather not write with pen and ink; I hope to see you soon, and we will talk together face to face. Peace be to you. The friends greet you. Greet the friends, every one of them.
This is WAY before facebook, texting, etc... even BACK THEN It was better to communicate face to face rather than write it down where it could be misconstrued? I have over 600 friends, I better get started greeting all of you individually! Should I do it alphabetically? This is going to take some time!
Now remember, I'm not religious, I only pulled out my bible because I was going to look up random pages and take quotes out of context for comedic material. I thought that I remembered reading the bible when I was younger (My parents ARE ministers), and remember starting with so and so begot so and so who begot and so on(the begot-a-tudes). So I thought, How come no one EVER quotes for example:
Matthew 1; 4-5;
"and Aram the father of Aminadab, and Aminadab the father of Nahshonm and Nashon the father of Salomon, 5 and Solomon the father of Boaz by Rahab, and Boaz the father of Obed by Ruth, and Obed the father of Jesse"
So ends the word of the Lord....
Seriously? why don't we hear more about who's having sex with whom in the Bible. The Bible seems to be the first written script for a soap opera...There are people threatening each other, people die and come back to life, baby switching...
There are people who think that God is talking to them, or that get possessed (hellllloooo Days of our lives did that with Marlena).
All My Children is going off of the air soon... what does this mean for the Bible? Is it a coincidence that the star's last name is KANE? How about the fact that the Mayan Calendar is ending the same year that One Life to Live is ending??? Lanview spelled differently could be mayanview? Sure I took the liberty to replace the "L" with "may", but that's what people do when they want to make a pointless point right?
***note, the blogging site is down, yet here I write for you. And for those of you whom are ministers, you are welcome for your Sermon topic this week!****
**** Yes, I also understand that I may be going to hell for this, but I think I was already on my way after breaking most of the 10 commandments, if not all of them, although I can't seem to find them- aren't they in the book of Moses and the ten commandments? What? There isn't a book of Moses? But he's in so many stories! Man, he got ripped off!
I had much to write to you but I would rather not write with pen and ink; I hope to see you soon, and we will talk together face to face. Peace be to you. The friends greet you. Greet the friends, every one of them.
This is WAY before facebook, texting, etc... even BACK THEN It was better to communicate face to face rather than write it down where it could be misconstrued? I have over 600 friends, I better get started greeting all of you individually! Should I do it alphabetically? This is going to take some time!
Now remember, I'm not religious, I only pulled out my bible because I was going to look up random pages and take quotes out of context for comedic material. I thought that I remembered reading the bible when I was younger (My parents ARE ministers), and remember starting with so and so begot so and so who begot and so on(the begot-a-tudes). So I thought, How come no one EVER quotes for example:
Matthew 1; 4-5;
"and Aram the father of Aminadab, and Aminadab the father of Nahshonm and Nashon the father of Salomon, 5 and Solomon the father of Boaz by Rahab, and Boaz the father of Obed by Ruth, and Obed the father of Jesse"
So ends the word of the Lord....
Seriously? why don't we hear more about who's having sex with whom in the Bible. The Bible seems to be the first written script for a soap opera...There are people threatening each other, people die and come back to life, baby switching...
There are people who think that God is talking to them, or that get possessed (hellllloooo Days of our lives did that with Marlena).
All My Children is going off of the air soon... what does this mean for the Bible? Is it a coincidence that the star's last name is KANE? How about the fact that the Mayan Calendar is ending the same year that One Life to Live is ending??? Lanview spelled differently could be mayanview? Sure I took the liberty to replace the "L" with "may", but that's what people do when they want to make a pointless point right?
***note, the blogging site is down, yet here I write for you. And for those of you whom are ministers, you are welcome for your Sermon topic this week!****
**** Yes, I also understand that I may be going to hell for this, but I think I was already on my way after breaking most of the 10 commandments, if not all of them, although I can't seem to find them- aren't they in the book of Moses and the ten commandments? What? There isn't a book of Moses? But he's in so many stories! Man, he got ripped off!
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